Steph, if, instead of the flip sandwich comment, Gris had said, "She looks so thin now that she looks unhealthy," is that the same thing to you?

Steph, if, instead of the flip sandwich comment, Gris had said, "She looks so thin now that she looks unhealthy," is that the same thing to you?

Eh, I still feel that, unless we know she really is unhealthy by medical standards, then why is it our judgment call?

What if he had just said "Wow, so-and-so's weight loss is kind of shocking?" as opposed to "eat a sandwich?" Because I have definitely had that thought about some actresses, especially if I haven't seen them for a while, but I'm not, consciously at least, trying to be the boss of them. Despite our parasocial relationship that I learned about on HBO this week.

I'm a feminist so of course I fundamentally believe we have control over our own bodies.

So what I don't understand is why your emphasis is on bodies and not behavior, personality, etc. By definition we as human beings control. We live by rules and what is considered "socially acceptable." So why is your emphasis on a body and not other aspects of a person? All kinds of negative stuff gets posted about people around here and I haven't seen this kind of strong negative reaction so I'm wondering why this pinged.

Or is it the phrasing? Would you have preferred that the comment be: "she looks a little thin" to me.

You use the term "police" and I am not sure how making a comment about a public figure is policing said public figure when there is no indication she will ever read what is posted. This cuts all ways. I saw comments about John Goodman 10 years ago that he looked very unhealthy. And I would agree with that.

I guess I'm trying to figure out where the line is, because we do judge the looks of actors all the time. If we say, "he put on some muscle and now he looks hot" it's the other end of the spectrum (male, a complement) but still a judgment call on looks. We could also say, "he put on some muscle and now he looks hot, but it's got to be steroids," and then we're inferring something, not just asserting a personal preference for what's attractive.

By saying she looked too thin, I did not truly intend to be "policing." I admit, again, that the flip statement I made was wrong. But I don't think that her current skinniness looks good on her.

I assume I would be allowed to comment on an actress's haircut, or her clothing choices, or her plastic surgery. These are also her business. Why aren't they also off limits?

So why is your emphasis on a body and not other aspects of a person?

Because policing...okay, I won't use that word -- judging how women's bodies do not meet the impossible external standard of attractiveness is so pervasive as to seem okay. It happens all the time.

Now, generally, it seem to me that judgment is reserved more for overweight women, but I admit that I'm probably just more sensitive to it because I am a fat woman. In the past, I've been the one to snark that some thin woman should eat a sandwich, and I got called on it. And rightly so. Nobody gets to make the decision how your body should look.

I guess I'm not understanding why this is such an outrageous idea.

You use the term "police" and I am not sure how making a comment about a public figure is policing said public figure when there is no indication she will ever read what is posted.

I wasn't clear there, and I apologize. You're right that no comment made here will reach an individual actor, and I didn't mean that Gris's statement was policing that specific actor. But comments like that perpetuate the pervasive idea that there is only one, very narrowly defined way that is acceptable for a woman to look. It's policing all women's bodies.

I assume I would be allowed to comment on an actress's haircut, or her clothing choices, or her plastic surgery. These are also her business. Why aren't they also off limits?

Look. You are -- everyone is -- allowed to comment however you like, on anyone's appearance. Rock on. I'm allowed to not like it, to think that it's damaging. Rock on me.

Okay, I really am flummoxed. I've made the "eat a sandwich" comment in the past -- on this board -- and gotten shit for it. But now it's okay? What's that about?

We don't talk about how fat such-and-such actress has gotten, but feel fine saying they look "too thin." I have a girlfriend who's built about like a 12 year old boy. Every time she sees tabloid "Who has anorexia this week stories" or hears that "so and so should eat a sandwich" that does affect how she sees her body-unattractive and unwomanly.

-$.02

Thank you, DJ.