After the PMS has cleared, sending this:

A while ago I came to you with an open heart and an open mind (and my mother in tow) with the hope that we could reach an understanding of how to deal with each other as adults. You told me (and my mother) that you would never be able to respect me, no matter what I said or did. I'd like to offer you the opportunity that you were not willing to extend to me and inform you of what will be neccesary in order for you to earn back my respect. You will need to apologize personally to me and (if he so chooses) to Dennis for implying that we were both stupid and crazy when we tried to speak to you about household conflicts.

Without this:

Unfortunately I suspect that your heart wasn't really in that apology that you sent to everyone. If that is the case, please ignore this letter and never speak to me again.

It may be well nigh impossible to do so, but if you can, it may be helpful to realize that your sister and b-i-l's malfunction is outside of you. It's difficult because it does hurt you, and because it does feel personal. But the reality is, whatever poor choices, whatever mental illness, whatever addiction, whatever cruel intent, whatever poor social training, whatever blindspots they have, are not yours, and you are not required to take them in to yourself. I hope this makes some sense, as it is what I have had to tell myself time and time again about my mother and her ex-husband. It has helped me to pull back from her without completely cutting off contact.

Laga, neither my family members' spouse nor most of my family members are people I would spend time with if I weren't related to them. I avoid them if possible and drink when it's not. Looking at some of the disfunctional marriages I've seen, I'd suggest not villifying him too much to your sister or pushing them both away. I've seen people stay in bad marriages because they felt that leaving them would be to admit how stupid they had been. Also, the more they're isolated as a couple from your family, the more the "us against the world" syndrome kicks in.

Holy crap, I didn't realise all you folks were of Czech extraction. Recently? Do you speak any Czech?

My great-grandfather came over from Bohemia as a child with his brother and married a woman from Bohemia. I have a Very Bohemian last name. (Once, when someone asked my about my name, I said my family had come from Bohemia and she gasped and said, "I thought Arthur Conan Doyle made up that country.")

I don't speak any Czech. My grandfather was the kind of second-generation immigrant who wanted to emphasize his Americanness. I have been told that I'm really using the male version of my last name.

I was in Prague for eight years ago for two days and my traveling companions practically had to drag me away for the rest of the planned trip. The intense colors! The steep cobblestone streets! The actual defenestration windows!

Just add an "o" at the end, and suddenly it's a Spanish word.

Also, you must speak very loudly.

Just add an "o" at the end, and suddenly it's a Spanish word.

Also, you must speak very loudly.

Ah, Mirna. How I... don't miss you.

My sister, whom I love, hates my husband.

What? How is that possible? He's a very likeable guy.

I'll tell you what I discovered, vw -- you only really need to know lots of words if you're going to speak informally. If you're going to use lots of big words, you just say them with an accent, cause they're usually the same!

Yes! I am fond of this approach to Speaking Foreign also.

Sadly I have spent the past four years in country where that just. doesn't. work.

Damn it.

(Do not even get me STARTED on Thai, and my utter crapness therein. I was SO much better at Arabic - I mean, I wasn't much good at Arabic, but I could have perfectly good CrapArabic conversations with people, with much hand waving and amusing vocabulary choices, and communication could occur. Thai? Not so much. It's the TONES. OMG. Well, okay, no, it's the tones and my laziness.)

Meanwhile, this week we're doing the register in Pirate. Granted this isn't actually a language (previous languages having been 'Chinese', 'French', 'Japanese', 'Australian' ["G'day, Kaowton." "G'day, Mate."] but it's FUN. Also, the kids have quite a wide range of possible replies. ("Ahoy there, Cap'n Ronan!" "Shiver Me Timbers, Miss Fay!" "Ahoy there, Cap'n Prim!" "Swab the Deck, Cap'n Fay!" "Ahoy there, Cap'n Chin!" "Walk the plank, Miss Fay!" etc etc.) However, they are quite partial to doing a pretend sneeze instead of replying, ever since last week when my "G'day Chin" was greeted with a sudden mighty accidental sneeze, to general hilarity. It's now a sort of standing joke, which I can find entertaining or irritating depending on how the day has been going.

My great-grandfather came over from Bohemia as a child with his brother and married a woman from Bohemia. I have a Very Bohemian last name. (Once, when someone asked my about my name, I said my family had come from Bohemia and she gasped and said, "I thought Arthur Conan Doyle made up that country.")

FanTAStic!

I bet people think the same thing about Transylvania. Bless 'em.

I don't speak any Czech. My grandfather was the kind of second-generation immigrant who wanted to emphasize his Americanness. I have been told that I'm really using the male version of my last name.

If it doesn't end in -ova (which means 'of'), then that'd be right. But, you know, I think that's good. You're not your father's or your husband's possession, you're you. Take that, pesky sexist language structure!

Laga, just my .02, but I think that this

You will need to apologize personally to me and (if he so chooses) to Dennis for implying that we were both stupid and crazy when we tried to speak to you about household conflicts.

might cause some problems, i.e. him replying "I never said that!", and you having to explain implications, etc. Might be better if you can stick to concrete things, or something like "apologize for your negative and unpleasant behavior when we tried to speak to you . . ."

Ok. I finally took my Spanish test. I know I did really well on the dictation of phone numbers! Other than that, I'll have to wait till this afternoon to find out.

I got a speech from the prof, though, about how I have to chill and let myself learn at my own speed. Well, that's great if I wasn't trying to get a good grade!

Also, when I say I have difficulties with memorization, please don't just tell me that everyone does and assume that's gonna make me chill. I just might have some outside difficulties more than the normal ones, but whatever.

But, I did hear that part where you said I seem to be a perfectionist and that I'm applying my perfectionistic tendencies to trying to learn a whole new language. I'll try to work on that.

edited to take out big rant.

CrapArabic

I love this. I had a friend who hired a Spanish-speaking nanny for her little girl. My friend told me, "We communicate entirely in the infinitive."

I have a test today. I've barely studied. I'm taking the opposite approach of omigod!studylike mad! I'll probably bomb the test but I'm rather zen about it right now. Also I forgot my book so I can't really study.

I forgot my library books so Ihave to return them tomorrow and start working on research for my paper, which is due next month. There are a couple of things I need clarified but I don't want to ask the instructor because she has such a flip attitude about things. I'm sorta friendly with one of the students she favors so I may ask the student to ask for clarification.

I cannot get going on this day. Theoretically, I should be doing some work as well as trying to sneak in writing a paper for school (this is my plan over the rest of the week.) I just can't get going at ALL.