Ah, JZ, you're juggling so much. I'm sorry you're beating yourself up over this. I wish you knew how really amazing you are.

This! This!

I mean, love, I totally get the whole OMGHowCanIBeSoFuckingUseless reflex, but these things happen to all of us from time to time.

One possible suggestion, wrt the $25 - when I was at University, and we were all completely fucking up our finances beyond the telling of it, the Student Advisor recommended phoning the bank and trying to talk them down from slapping on additional charges - and startlingly, this actually did work. Don't know whether that's something you'd be at all comfortable with trying, but it wouldn't hurt, maybe?

KristenT - looks like I skimmed too much - I'm glad to hear it's a little more sane where you are school/parentwise than I was fearing.

favorite job - teaching sailing to 8-year-olds

next favorite - teaching poetry and writing to arts magnet school sophomores through seniors.

Gah. Andi, that was a lovely post. And Susan and JZ, you both deserve more ease and recognition from your own psyches than you sometimes allow yourselves. It's kind of the flip side to what Susan said about not remotely judging other people the way you judge yourself - if you could see you the way we see you yadda yadda. Just since I've known you both of you have made such huge strides in making more out of your lives, pushing closer to where and who you want to be. So while the occasional freak-out is totally understandable, do try to let yourselves fuck up or get rattled or feel stressed out without letting it overshadow the rest of the awsomeness that is y'all.

Gah. Andi, that was a lovely post. And Susan and JZ, you both deserve more ease and recognition from your own psyches than you sometimes allow yourselves. It's kind of the flip side to what Susan said about not remotely judging other people the way you judge yourself - if you could see you the way we see you yadda yadda. Just since I've known you both of you have made such huge strides in making more out of your lives, pushing closer to where and who you want to be. So while the occasional freak-out is totally understandable, do try to let yourselves fuck up or get rattled or feel stressed out without letting it overshadow the rest of the awsomeness that is y'all.

I'm gonna point up and say, "What she said. ALL of it."

Sox, sailing teacher sounds like SO much fun!

{Susan}{JZ} Universe - take a weekend, ok?

Windsparrow is wise.

sounds like SO much fun!

On the job thing - my current job and the company I work for are great. But it's weird - this is the first real job I've had where there wasn't some handwaveable "social good" aspect to it. Even in my previous forays into big corporate America. My last was decidely for profit, but what we were profiting from was helping hospitals and schools raise money. When I was with a Big Five accounting firm, we were auditing and advising government agencies, helping keep them honest and run more efficiently.

Now, though - this is one big corporate to other big corporates. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it still feels weird. There's no ultimate point other than improving bottom lines, theirs and ours. Not unusual or even a bad thing, I know. But I'm having unexpected trouble wrapping my brain around it.

Gronk.

Woke up very aware of which muscles are used for trapeze. Yow. Also, huh. My abs are way more sore than I expected.

Oh! Also - wrod wrt Andi's post! About which, I wholly agree with Kristin.

And, seriously, what you're doing is one of the most important jobs in the world; you're making a genuine, tangible difference to the quality of people's lives. It's a truly honorable and meaningful endeavour, and I'm delighted that along with the hard work it brings you joy.

As you'll likely have gathered, my job also gives me joy; it's not for everyone, but it makes me happy. And I've done jobs which I just sucked at, and had no respect for, and I'm profoundly grateful to have this opportunity to do something I so enjoy, and something to which my talents and personality are suited (although, heaven knows I still have a lot to learn, and hope to get better). I know that we don't all get that chance, and I'm very grateful for it.

I mean, yeah, sure, it would also be nice to have a love life. Or, you know, any savings, or a pension plan. Those are also good things to have. But I appreciate the hell out of what I've got - even if my, ah, hotcakes-of-love remain unbuttered.

Yeah, not everyone can do what I do. And, most of those who can, don't do it as well as I do.

And as much I think teachers are heroes, I know I can't do that job - managing a whole classroom, the kind of awareness that takes, I can't fathom.

But I'm having unexpected trouble wrapping my brain around it.

You've lost your plausible deniability!

Three months ago when I was banging and battering my way to the end of the book, I stopped at a bar on Haight Street. I walked into the Gold Cane and Jason, the bartender, and I struck up a conversation. When he found out I was writing a book about Tom Waits he said, "That is the coolest fucking job in the world." Which was a very timely and necessary reminder for me that, yes, it was a privilege to be able to write a book about a musician I admired and have complete freedom in doing it.