Ugh.

I'm having to move from my private office to a sort of awkward shared arrangement. Basically, we've hired a new director--i.e. a new boss for me--and since there isn't a spare office anywhere to be found in this wing of the building, no more private office for me.

I'm feeling panicky because I'm not really ready for the logistical part of the move, which is set to happen in an hour. I'm also dreading the shared space thing, because I've had offices to myself since 1999 and I'm an introvert. And I'm dreading working with the new boss, because in our limited interactions she's been treating me more like an underling and less like a colleague than anyone else here. And why shouldn't she? Everyone else here is a chaplain, a real professional doing important work requiring intellect and advanced training. I'm just a glorified paper pusher. I can just feel myself going from actually enjoying my work--a new thing for me--to hating it and dreading it because I don't feel valued and respected, and then hating myself for having so fucked up my adult life that I'm not in a job that demands respect. My old vicious cycle, in other words. And I don't want to go there. I know it's not the right way to think, but the "This sucks, and YOU suck and don't deserve any better" voices are being very loud all of a sudden. And I can't even think which part of my desk to pack first.

Ugh Susan that sounds like no fun at all. My Mom has a trick in dealing with new situations. She says, "what's the worst that could happen?" and then, "What's the best that could happen?" I find it helps me to keep the extremes in perspective. It stops me from focusing on all the things that could go wrong and makes me pay attention to what might go well.

Have an exam ready early? Maybe -- maybe -- for a trip that the school organizes. Say, if it's part of the requirements for another class. But have an exam ready a week early just because the student (okay, maybe the student's parents) decided to create a scheduling conflict?

Craxy.

aw, crap, Susan. I'm sorry this is paralyzing you right now. I don't know if it would be possible to focus on something physical that requires your concentration, thereby shunting off the demon cycle for now?

It may very well not be as bad as you think it is, she may not know the vibe of the office, and once she gets in there and understands what you do and how well you do it and how your other co-workers respect you, she may adjust her attitude. It may just be ignorance of the atmosphere that's giving off her vibe, and that can change.

The sharing the office thing sucks out loud, though.

I'm thinking the extra special early exam should be the extra super hard one.

Sorry to hear about the shared office and personal freak out, Susan. Believe me, I feel your pain. I hated shared offices.

Also, the TENTERHOOKS will be continuing. Just read a post from the editors over at Paizo -- the week "got away from them," and the soonest I'll be hearing anything is next Tuesday, but probably more like next Wednesday. GAH!

(okay, maybe the student's parents) decided to create a scheduling conflict?

Not to take away from the annoyingness of this at all, but I was just thinking about my trip to Paris which was very "must leave on this day or it'll cost five hundred dollars more." They may not have had all that much choice about the scheduling, if they were going to go at all. Now whether or not they should, that's a separate question.

But putting the burden of that on the teacher to accommodate their schedule, that's wrong. No argument there.

And, is everyone taking the exam early, or do you have to create two exams?

The sharing the office thing sucks out loud, though.

Yeah. I'm just glad I'm not sharing the office with New Boss, which apparently was one of the ideas floated--that I'd move to the small desk in this office and she'd get the big desk where I currently am. Instead she's getting this whole office, and Engineering is setting up a desk for me in the big shared room where our interns and residents hang out. And I'm pretty much OK with that, because for the most part they're quiet and they're often out on the floors visiting patients anyway. I like almost all of them, and AFAICT the feeling is mutual.

I'm just afraid my past history WRT work and bad bosses is going to rear up and spoil this one. I can just feel all the negativity, against myself and the workplace, coiling up within me, ready to strike.

then hating myself for having so fucked up my adult life that I'm not in a job that demands respect

I don't think there is a job that demands respect. You'd think the presidency would demand respect, but not so much these days. The person demands respect. Right now she just knows your job title, not you.