Billytea--I'm thinking about the directional metaphor you used there. It seems to me that there's room between refusing to use your old name, and giving up the one you've chosen. Accepting your old name as part of you doesn't mean rejecting what the new name represents, right? How would it feel to you to treat your old name as something of a 'middle name'? I'm thinking about ways to make it feel less like going back to your old name and more like bringing your old name forward to who you are now.

This is incredibly insightful...and gives me much more to think about. I think this was the subtext of the fellow's challenge.

I'm still not quite sure how to bring the old into the new and not feel as though I'm compromising my success. I know that sounds weird, but given from whence I come, having survived and succeeded in not being a tragic statistic is a HUGE part of my identity and a reason that people take my advice seriously.

David--As for the name change, I will just note that such symbolic gestures take their meaning from context. That is, you can't say that you lack integration just from rejecting your old name. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is make a break and recreate yourself. Everybody does it many times over in their lives. You're not beholden to hold on to a damaged version of yourself.

True about the context...and that is exactly how it happened, really. I made a choice for change and in the context of my life, someone slapped Bj on me and it took instantly. Creating the break was vital. But, despite my repeated assertions that I'm 'not the person anymore.' The fact is, if I was talking to a client about a similar issue, I'd propose that, without Bonny, Bj could not exist.

You're not beholden to hold on to a damaged version of yourself.

Exactly this. And yet, I'm really getting in touch with the hypocracy of my feeling that Bonny could never be healed. That certainly isn't what I preach.

But assuming and acknowledging the healing may not require making a public statement (and going through what feels like a LOT of work) to identify myself my my legal name.

Brenda--I know people who did that. She was Winters and he was Neufeld, so now they're Winterfeld.

I love this like pancakes. I'm happy with my hyphenated last name, but sometimes boggle at the choice. I knew a woman last named McMasterson-McWilliams. Not only did it strike me as a law firm, and a pita for form filling, but it just seemed so heavy

Ginger--I think the constant spelling of my name has become part of my identity.

I am totally busted in this. It IS a big part of my personality that Bj has a small j with no periods. EVERYONE asks about it, so it is a conversational -in-. But, can I really blame people for spelling it wrong?

On the other hand, I got so sick of being told that Bonny was really spelled Bonnie and what was my problem.

Ask my wacknut father who was known as Sonny and who used my name to memorialize his sick relationship with his psycho mother. "Beautiful Ann"? Blech.

Ugh. I can feel the ire rise in me just thinking about it. Yes, more work needs doing on this particular issue.

I worked for a company at which people were frequently called by their initials or nicknames (notably, Wormy and Bebop). I was once interviewing a guy who went by M.O. and asked him his real name. He told me he was happy to adopt the initial thing, because his name was Maywood Outlaw.

As for nicknames. Growing up in the 70s, "Hey Bonny, where's Clyde?" nearly drove me to distraction. Let us speak not of "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean" and all its deviant variations. Nor of Bonbon (present company excepted, of course), Boney, Boner, and my personal favorite, Buggy. Yesh.

I very seldom ever get the 'heh, heh, you know what BJ stands for dontcha?' leer (which is why, I'm convinced, there are so many more male BJs than female) and when a do, a brisk walk away works every time.

But tragically, as much as I want to think, my unusual name makes it memorable, i still get clients who make checks out to BJ Collins, BJ Thomas and a bunch of not-my-names. Fortunately, my bank is flexible.

Maywood Outlaw

::but, but, splutter, but::

That's an AWEsome name!

My favorite nick is my HS friend, Mike's. It's P.C. for "Pin cushion" 'cause the boy is pierced, uhm...everywhere.

My favorite HS nickname was Martin Cubed. His name really, truly was Martin Martin Martin.

I knew a guy called Trip because of his triple initials. And another called Trey because he was the third.

His name really, truly was Martin Martin Martin.

Did he ever read Catch-22 ?

I knew a guy called Trip because of his triple initials. And another called Trey because he was the third.

Heh, there was a character on Dead Like Me who was called Trip because he was the third.

I've known several men named Robert Roberts.

Trip is a common preppy nickname for IIIs.