I'm watching Dead Man's Blood and I'm struck by the simple truth that John is a man used to working alone, to not having to explain himself.

And then I was struck that the Winchester boy who grew up in the lifestyle completely, since before he was even a year old, is the one who questions, is the one who needs the explaining and has the chip on his shoulder.

I'm struck that it's the Winchester boy who had four years of normalcy that follows blindly. On one hand I'd think the opposite would be true: the one who'd known a different life would grow up with a dissonance for his current lifestyle, and the one basically born into it the unquestioning believer and follower. On the other I can see perhaps how the four-year-old Dean's hazy experience of his mother dying would influence his devoutness to his father, whereas Sam had only stories and hearsay to go by, not personally founded emotion and agenda. But I keep looking at that other hand and seeing a kid who grew up in the hunter lifestyle and knew nothing else. Which makes me look at Sam in renewed appreciation that he was so self-possessed and his own person to be able to rebel against that.

Perhaps it was the fact that Dean did have that glimmer of a normal life/childhood, that he thought he was able to judge that his current life was the best for him, whereas Sam, knowing nothing else, wished for the green grass on the other side of the fence.

It's fascinating.

I think the fact that Dean had Mom and normal ripped away from him at an age where he could remember it and miss it is actually what shaped his obedience. If he was good, if he followed orders, if he took care of Sammy, if he did everything right, he wouldn't lose anything else.

Sam never knew what he'd lost--or at least he never felt the loss. He just envied what he saw other people had. And Sam's every need for reassurance, for contact, for protection, for explanation and affirmation of his self-worth was provided by Dean, merely trying to give his baby brother what he remembered having. So Sam was far more secure as a person than Dean, and because of that early-childhood sense of security and sense of self-worth, Sam was able to, as normal adolescents do, rebel against his authoritarian parent.

Dean transferred his approval-seeking from Dad to Sam by Salvation, but he continued to try and be perfect, as if his not making mistakes was the magic spell that would hold what was left of his family together.

Only John had already told him that Sam was the thing that Dean might have to kill, and then he left him to follow that order.

He may be pretty, he may win at poker and pool, and he may get all the girls, but damn, it sucks to be Dean.

If he was good, if he followed orders, if he took care of Sammy, if he did everything right, he wouldn't lose anything else.

I'll... just... be over there. Overidentifying.

He may be pretty, he may win at poker and pool, and he may get all the girls, but damn, it sucks to be Dean.

Poor noodle.

if someone just got their dvds today and only has time to watch one episode with commentary, which episode should that be?

If you're looking for technically rewarding commentary, I'd choose AHBL1. If you want the actor action, go for IMToD. I watched AHBL1 first.

thanks, Ailleann. i changed my mind, i think. gonna get to bed early for a change tonight. i did watch the gag reel and laugh my butt off. those boys are so silly.

They are silly.

I think that if the JJs do commentary - they need to do it w/o the inhibiting factor of one of the producers present.

And, you know, not when they're in the middle of filming. I remember the Phantom Traveler commentary as sparse and tired-sounding.

You all are generous. I think they're just bad at it.

I have yet to watch a commentary track other than the V1 Family Guy ones that didn't make me want to roll my eyes. Thus, I avoid them.

(And really, the Family Guy ones only charmed me because they kept going off topic and just BSing with each other about snack food, and half of that was Seth Green.)