Nothing to see here. Move along.

A.O. Scott is at a loss for words:

The movie’s takeaway catchphrase is “Mariska Hargitay,” which is used by the title character as a fake-Hindi spiritual greeting. This is almost hilarious the first 11 or so times he does it, but by the time Guru Pitka (Mr. Myers) says “Mariska Hargitay” to Ms. Hargitay herself, it’s somehow less amusing than it should be.

Which might sum up “The Love Guru” in its entirety but only at the risk of grievously understating the movie’s awfulness. A whole new vocabulary seems to be required. To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious. The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.

The review in the examiner this morning was even more damning, suggesting Mike Meyers careeracide.

I failed to review Zohan, which is the last movie I saw with Emmett.

It's actually kind of a sweethearted movie and finds a lot of ways to emphasize the commonalities of Arab and Israeli culture, be sex-positive for older woman (while still playing that for jokes) and being notably not homophobic while spending much time in beauty salons with gay hairdressers.

That noted, it was only occasionally funny, and not very memorable. I did like Adam Sandler's performance. He didn't play his usual repressed rage character but rather a guy who's competent, kind and weary of violence.

The review in the examiner this morning was even more damning, suggesting Mike Meyers careeracide.

The interviews he's been doing seem strained and painful...I can only imagine the actual movie. And when I say imagine, I mean that is all I will do. The previews convinced me to not even rent it later.

Poor guy. He's trying so hard but absolutely everything being written about him...that I've seen...makes him look so bad. You know, when EW makes you look like a jerk...well...

eta: Ha. I meant to say about vs. by him, but both statements are valid.

I was going to say, didn't Meyers already commit career suicide with The Cat in the Hat?

I was going to say, didn't Meyers already commit career suicide with The Cat in the Hat?

That was noted in the review, saying it's taken him five years to come back with the Love Guru and it's insanely, offensively bad.

He's basically down to doing Shrek's voice.

Oh why didn't he do a Sprockets movie when he had the chacne?

This is the opening para of the Slate review of The Love Guru. Instant classic:

There are good movies. There are bad movies. There are movies so bad they're good (though, strangely, not the reverse). And once in a while there is a movie so bad that it takes you to a place beyond good and evil and abandons you there, shivering and alone. Watching The Love Guru (Paramount Pictures) is a spiritual experience of a sort, but not the sort that its creator and star, Mike Myers, intended. This tale of a guru who brings joy to all who meet him is the most joy-draining 88 minutes I've ever spent outside a hospital waiting room. In the course of those long minutes, Myers leads you on a journey deep inside himself, to the source from whence his comedy springs—and it's about as much fun as a tour of someone's large intestine.

Not since Catwoman or Cat in the Hat have I seen such a round of poison pen reviews!

We've got a real stinker here.

It looks so execrable and painfullyantifunnybadwrong, just from the trailers.

I think I like both Vern Troyer and Stephen Colbert less for being in it.