I can't imagine anyone who wanted to vote not knowing who they were going to vote for before the show even started, no matter what either of them sang, or how they did.

True dat. Anyone who cared enough to vote already had their minds made up a loooong time ago. The judges tried to make it all about the Davids' performances last night, which I think D'Archie won two songs to one. But people vote based on the entire season, not just finale night. And the two of them speak to such different audiences that if you've been a part of D.Cook's Cougar Army all season, a slightly stronger finale performance by L'il David last night is not going to turn you to the darkside. Likewise, if D'Archie has been your teen dream for the past seven million weeks, you would've never voted for D.Cook even if he had rocked it like a hurricane last night.

So sad that no one's even inspired enough to write about tonight's finale. Oh, Idol. What have you become?

Alright, I confess. I didn't start watching until 9:00 because I was paralyzed by all the not caring. But I'm so glad I tuned in when I did because I got to witness D'Archie breaking it the hell on down on One Republic's Too Late to Apologize. Damn, y'all. That's the David Archuleta that I used to love back in the day, the one who had Kelly Clarkson with her jaw on the floor as he belted out And I Am Telling You in some generic hotel lobby, the one who earned the early EEEEEEEEE. He tore it up, riffalicious and all. Man, first Anya and Danny's beautiful routine on SYTYCD and now D'Archie bringing it? That song has magic powers.

The less said about Ms. Sparks, the better. I'm gonna refrain from commenting on the outfit (and it's killing me!) and instead give props to her for resisting Clive's AI image machine and not turning into a skinny bobblehead. (Oh, Hi, Carrie!) But let me just say that Jordin's performance is the best argument against teeny bopper winners I've ever seen.

ETA: They got RDJ!! Well done,AI. Nice casting coup. However, it doesn't save this bit from being hopelessly corny and ridiculous. And I love Gladys, but do you really think she's gonna pull in that coveted younger demographic you're looking for? Sounds iffy. And, and, Ben Stiller really needs to get off AI's jock. Is there an AI special that he has not been prominently featured in?

And look, it's bobblehead!Carrie. So sad. She was so cute when she wasn't emaciated. Oh, my. Haven't we come a looong way from Jesus Take the Wheel?

I just want to cover her up with a chenille robe or recommend her for What Not to Wear. Something to get her out of that...outfit. She could give Celine a run for her money in the Fugly stakes.

Oh, KLC. You still can't sing. Ramiele, that goes double for you. Rock and Roll nurse!! I miss you. Jason Castro! The pretty is back. Johns, still don't see it. David Hernandez. I love that he got to whisper "nekkid". Show, you slay me. Chikeze, you left too soon, son. The boys sounded much better than the ladies. Oh, and I love that they are doing a George Michael medley.

Damn, D'Archie is in amazing voice. With the pressure off, he is just letting go and blowing. And I love that they just keep giving Hernandez the "keep it in the closet" lyrics. Now the kids are sounding alright.

And it's the man himself. Looking damn fine! And Paula acting a damn fool. Maybe he'll sing Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me and school these fools on how it's done? Nope, he's gonna sing sappy Praying for Time. I guess that means Carrie gets to come back now. Oh well, I don't mind. She put it down on Idol Gives Back.

WTF on Randy's outfit? And why is he so obssessed with duels all of a sudden?

I will miss Paula's nonsense rambling.

Now you wanna retract, Simon? Now? Damn, D.Cook's cougars must've bit him in the ass hard.

Nobody cares, vote man. Just do the damn thing.

Drumroll . . . D.Cook takes it. Wow! I really hate this winner. Oh, well. At least he seems truly affected by the win. Go forth, Bighead, and make that middlebrow frat rock that you make so well. Good on ya.

The winning single is not as heinous as it could've been.

Woooooo! My long Cook-ian nightmare is ovah! Bring on SYTYCD. THURSDAY, THURSDAY, THURSDAY!! Can't wait, y'all.

Top Chef: Restaurant Wars, my three favorites on one team AND Bourdain?!??!?? WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Yeah, but I'm scared now that somehow Team Annoying is gonna pull it out and we're not going to lose Spike again. I don't think I can take it.

I have to say, never having seen an Idol finale before, it's cruel and inhumane treatment...and I don't mean just for the final two. Sheesh. There were fun bits but too few in amongst the shameless product placement...Guru Pitka. Really?

I loved DC's tearing it up with ZZTop. They seemed to be having as much fun as he was. And Bryan Adams! A guy who really loves his work. Maybe he'll give the idols some advice on how not to go nuts.

While I was pulling fierce for DCook...I'm a cougar, sue me...I was still surprised. Nice to have my season-long obsession validated.

I vow not to watch another episode of AI, ever again. Remind me I said that...

Yeah, but I'm scared now that somehow Team Annoying is gonna pull it out and we're not going to lose Spike again. I don't think I can take it.

They look like they are doing a really good job of self-destructing, but it may not be HatAssHat who goes.

Yeah, that's what I said right after the end of S1 after stating that AI was just a slicker version of Star Search. And now I've managed to survive John Stevens, JPL, Sanjaya, Jasmine, Camille, KLC, and all manner of othe disasters. I just can't quit AI.