I thought most of the guys sang well tonight, even the ones I don't much care for. Only one obvious bottom and one clear top for me, a couple really good ones. The rest were fair to middling. Couldn't even begin to say who's going home.
Bottom
Luke Menard – Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
Y’all, he’s so bad. And he’s not even all that pretty. And what is with the weird, weird phrasing? Is it a lack of breath thing? Nah, it’s just a sucky thing. And why is he dressed like someone’s dad? Who spilled hair grease all over his shirt? Hate him and everything about him. Please go home.
Top
Jason Castro – Hallelujah
I enjoy this fool. He can really sing. I did not expect this song choice from him. He may be as fake as a three dollar bill, but he comes off very real and very sincere to me. Whatever he’s selling, I’m buying. Biffed the last note, but I enjoyed it. I love this little stoner kid.
Guys I love who were not quite as good as I wanted
David Archuleta – Another Day in Paradise
Why is he letting his grandma pick his songs? Imagine and now Phil Collins? He plays piano, too? It is unfair, I tell you. He is made. Of. Awesome. Oh, Paula. Look at our boy making the song his own. This is the way you play with the phrasing of a song, Mr. Menard. Take notes while this 17 year old fool schools your ass. Also, I love the new cut. I just love him. Can’t help it. Yeah, Randy. He doesn’t always have to be bombastic. And yeah he did have a few bum notes. Not caring. Even a little. He could totally be my Mr. Teen America.
Danny Noriega – Tainted Love
He’s so cute. Little red tomato, indeed! Oh, perfect song choice for him. And he’s singing the Marilyn Manson/Rhianna version. If his hair were a little shorter, he’d be Rhianna. He is a hoot. I can’t even talk about how much I love him. Not the greatest vocal ever. He can do better. But I looooove him.
Guys I hate who did better than I would've liked
Michael Johns – Don’t You Forget About Me
It is official. Homeboy is tore up from the floor up. Why do people think he’s attractive? I should’ve guessed he’d do this song. I actually love this song. He’s a really good fake singer. He doesn’t have a good voice, but he knows what to do with his reedy little instrument. He totally shouldn’t have screwed his band over because he needs backup/distraction more than anyone else in this competition. Hi, Randy. He has no range and he has a tiny little voice. Nonetheless, he covers it very well and people seem to find him hot, so he’ll go far. You, however, should stick to producing the second most awesome dance show of all time because you continue to suck sweaty balls as an AI judge. Thx, k bye!
David Cook – Hello
And his fucking guitar. Make it stop. The hat, the beard, the whole thing. Just so much hate. Emo version of Hello? Lionel Richie should come over and beat you with a frozen bottle of Posner's curl activator. I cannot describe how much I dislike him, though I must give it up for the voice. He sang very well.
Guys I don't care about who sang in a way that promoted my complete lack of caring at all about them (but weren't terrible)
David Hernandez – It’s All Coming Back to Me Now
Ok, this placement right behind Danny had to be intentional, right? Man singing Celine? Hmmm. Interesting song choice. He has a beautiful voice. Dude, beautiful instrument. This song is so overwrought. It really doesn’t work on a man’s voice. You gotta be all out, breast beating, Celine-ing it the hell out. And he doesn’t have it like that. I was iffy on the song choice at first, but now I have to say, I did not like it. He can sing though.
Chikezie – All the (Wo)Man That I Need
Hmm. Another woman song. And Whitney no less. Well, Chikezie, bring it. Nope, it was not broughten. Needed way more fire. More power. More spark. It was just a’ight. Simon is right. I don't care what he's trying (continued...)