okay? homegirl needed at least 3 inches more fabric. at LEAST.

Preferably solid fabric and not lace. OMG.

you do not lie. I was screaming for FELT.

My first thought was - Nigel will love her.

I really liked the 5th Element dancer.

Ooh, the boy with a ponytail before this blonde ballroom chica had great spins!

So I'm almost positive the guy who moved to Vermont was on ABDC years ago.

Anthony was fucking AWESOME. No wonder he is in a company. Holy shit.

SYTYCD: the two who really caught my attention were Tommy Tibball and Alexis the tapper.

The voice: Wow. I was sure Judith would go farther.

Oh my word, so much to say. Here goes nothing

Boston . . . and Russell on my TV screen. Oh, Boston. You DO do us right. Y’all are wicked awesome. Bring it!

Shankdaddy!! And Mary wearing pink legwarmers on her arms because . . . why?

Ashley and Phillip – Cutie pies. She kinda looks like a purple haired Amelia. She’s adorable. They are adorable together. Love that they are dancing to Christina’s Ain’t No Other Man. I enjoyed them. He’s better than she is. Really good hip action. I can see why he won the DwtS thing. She’s a little loose for a latin girl. I wanted more snap in the legs. I watched him more than I watched her, which shouldn’t be happening. Ah, well, they’re no Mischa and Maria is what I’m saying.

Natalie Vilos – Oh, no, baby. No props. This is not Energy Dance convention. Anyway, y’all know I don’t get down like this. Moving on. OK, Adam in the lamp shade was almost worth it. Not quite, but closer than other joke auditions have come.

John Tesorio – Brought his own beatboxer. That rocks. He was good. I’m not sure how much of it was just the beats that put it over the top. I mean, I’m not sure this kid is anything super special just on his own, but together with his beatboxer, it was off the hook. I’d like to see him on his own dancing to recorded music and doing something else. Off to choreo with you, young man.

Caitlin and Jeremy – The costume on this girl is fire. Body confidence like, whoa. I would like to be wearing that right now. However, as far as the dancing goes, little brother tore the house down while she was just an OK dancer. Send him back in two years. Sister is nothing special. Off to choreo with you, maybe you can make me want to watch you.

Jennifer Jones – Started ballet at 11? That’s kind of late. Also, I don’t care about your bulimia sob story. It’s already been done in Center Stage. Next. Her audition was lovely, though. Wow, that arabesque into the first turn sequence was gorgeous. Good center on this girl. I don’t know though . . . she’s not killing me. Yep, Nigel picked out the one turn that I really liked but they were all way more sold on her than I was. I didn’t think she was bad, but I also didn’t go crazy for her.

Montage #1: Hmmm, girl wearing a scarf as a skirt seemed just Ok. Black dude got serious air. Grey sweat pants has a very interesting movement quality. Liked the two guys, meh on the girl. And more dance dads. Yay!

Tommy Tibal (?) – He’s the definition of lanky. And he brought an adorable dance dad. Apparently it’s a thing now. Wow, hello plié! How you doing? The feet on this kid. Oh, heavens. Toe point of the gods. He’s a little bit of everything heavenly. Lots of great control with this one. And the slow pirouettes. Shut up. He’s crazy good. Yeah, the choreographers are gonna eat this kid up with a spoon. I want to see him in a Wade piece more than I can explain.

Jenny – Ballerina. Yay! I just love ‘em. She’s exquisite, just from the tiny clips they gave us during her pre-dance package, you could tell. My word! Look at those feet. And she’s got legs for days. Shankdaddy says she’s the real deal and I concur. Her extensions are insane and they come from a place of real turn out. It’s not just the legs that go; the hips go; the thighs go; the knees go. That’s the way you get it done, ladies and gentlemen. Worst fake out ever. As if they’d leave this creature by the side of the road in Boston.

Choreo Round: Please note that Ryan can’t replace Sasha. I do not need to see that in my choreo round. As for the contestant, John did not get put through. I agree. He gave it the old college try. Hope he comes back. Salsa sister was better than I thought she’d be. Clearly they are sending her through, although I still wouldn’t have. She’s gotta lose the salsa sexy face sometime between now and Vegas.

Jason Kidd – Not the basketball player. Just thought I’d make that clear. Oh, he’s going to get the tween girls texting and calling in. Votes are piling up as we speak. Hottie patootie. And once he started dancing, come on! Send him on through (continued...)

( continues...) already. He’s ready for his close up in Step Up 17: Boston Streets. This kids’s a superstar. Adam is looking at him like those cartoon characters where they are looking at you but in a thought bubble over their head, they are dreaming about a juicy steak. They better watch out for him with this kid in Vegas. They might have another Shane situation on their hands.

Shannon Tarantino – Rocking the Bow Wow Wow. And owning it. She’s gorgeous, just that first move where she bent over and reached down and then arched up into the arabesque. She is heaven. Those legs go on for days. The arabesque into the front roll was also everything. Even with just the little crawl along the ground, she completely drew me in. I just wanted to keep watching her. I see what Nigel is saying about a sheep in wolves clothing (although, on the real, she needed to put some clothes on). She looks like a Sonya type dancer when she’s really more of a Mandy type. But I liked that about her. I will keep an eye out for that one.

Gene Burstyn – Mr. Sexy. I remember him. He’s really good. He was just hella cheesy last time. And yep. He’s still really, really good. Lucky girl who gets him as a partner in ballroom. The wife was also very good. Sharp. Great legs. Great feet. She doesn’t really sparkle, but she’s competent. I don’t even know wife’s name, but it seems to be the season of families, so off to Vegas they all go.

E-Knock – I remember him. I’m actually really glad to see him back. As far as his audition routine, I wanted him to get off the floor already at the beginning. I could’ve done without the first couple of eight counts. The leap was glorious, though. Crumping to Without You is suspect but OK. I’ll go with it. I understand why he chose this piece for this audition, but there was way too much messing about and not enough dancing if I’m being really honest. It’s gonna get him to the choreo round, though, so good job, sir.

Montage #2: Red shorts girl reminds me of S1 Melanie. Boy in red shorts, I enjoy you. Girl in black shorts, nice center, lady.

Alexis Juliano – Tappers and this show, dude. I’m always a little skeptical. She holds her upper body really oddly. I love what’s going on with the legs, but I’m not crazy about the upper body. Nice turn series there, though. Makes me think she can do other stuff. Good audition. I agree with Adam and Nigel that she was great there at the end just doing a little soft shoe. Nigel does love his tappers. And she’s a cutie, so maybe.

Anthony Bryant – Ribbon boy! He’s such a lovely dancer and so completely wrong for this show. He’s really grown, too. He’s a gorgeous dancer. Solid technique, but he’s added more expression and connection and maturity than he used to have. Thank you, Mary, for agreeing with me. Sadly, he’s still just wrong for the show. And apparently still not so secretly stank. Bitch is too good to go to choreography? Please. I probably would’ve put him through to Vegas; based on talent alone he deserves it, but if the judges want you to go do choreo, then you go do choreo. You are here to dance, so dance and bring it or take your broke broke home. Ewww.

Joke auditions. Sigh. Fast forward now.

Anthony Savoy – Wow. He is beautiful just as a person. And as a dancer, come on. He’s perfection. Any company would not want to lose him for any length of time. That roll through the split in second is so, so hard. I’ve done that pull through. Forget it. And the turns and the center and . . . everything. Everything. I am living and breathing for this kid. Living for him. And I guess Nigel had to get that last dig in at Ribbon Boy. That was cheap. I can’t talk though, I’d do it.

Ballroom montage: Open shirt paso dude, I am loving it. Fringe blue girl, shake it, senora. Blue jeans dude, loving you. Ballroom is tearing it up.

Kate Kapshandy – With Max. He was from the awful first Max and Kayla pairing, so not sure how much of a boost that is. Well, she’s a little cutie. Very nice. Love the arms and the hands. Sharp feet and legs. She’s got a really supple back. I enjoy. (continued...)