AI performance night thoughts:

WTF, JLo? Just, oh my word. I cannot even describe the fug of those pants. Glittery golden pleated skinny leg high water pants? Go change immediately. Or no, don’t change. Let this be a cautionary tale for big booty girls everywhere. Even your cute apple bottom cannot save horrendous pants.

Queen Songs

Medley. Ummph. They sound really good on the beginning of Fat Bottom Girls. Phil was the total weak link on his line in Another One Bites the Dust. Elise and Skylar owned the boys on that song. Neither Holly nor Jessica have the grit to be convincing on We Will Rock You. And the most boring version of We Are the Champions ever? Why yes, I think maybe so. Fashion medley: Skylar looks adorable. Jessica looks like she’s trying out for her school production of Pocahontas. Holly is the best dressed teen hooker in her brothel. Elise is wearing a robe over a feather duster. Phil is in his Phil uniform. And Joshua’s clothes are still too small.

Jessica – Bohemian Rhapsody. What a predictable choice for her. And what’s with the black and white photography? That was just weird. And the three faces of Jessica behind? I mean, I get it, but why? It’s just freaky. She sounds amazing on this song, though. Is she wearing sparkly tennis shoes? Just, what? Somebody take the crack pipe away from the wardrobe people. Sad that I have time to focus on the state of her shoes because I’m so bored by the performance. Agreed with JLo that she lacked oomph. More performance quality, robot child. Be all about that.

Skylar – The Show Must Go On. Huh. Interesting choice. Too bad she’s not doing the version from Moulin Rouge. I think that may be my favorite version of this song ever. She sounds great here, though. I think she’s getting less nasally all up in her nasal, y’all. I really like this girl. The end was a little shout-y and I’m not sure whether she was having problems with her breath control or what but the notes were kinda cut off. But overall, well done. She is a comer.

Joshua – Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Alright, Mantasia. Time to stop biting. Why must the black people always choose this song on Queen night? Is it in the AI bylaws or something? Well, I suppose it was fine. The staging and the way he attacked it put me in mind of the Bruno Mars song he did a couple weeks ago and so made this performance feel like a retread, but that said, he sounded fine and he seemed like he wa having fun. It was a little too shout-screechy for me at the end, but it was fun. Good job from him. Still not as good as the Fantasia version. Side Note: Why are this fool’s clothes so small? Damn you, Tommy Hilfiger. Damn you to hell.

Elise – I Want It All. She sounded great here and I’m liking the tambourine kinda gypsy woman vibe she was working in her performance. This was one of her best and most complete performances to date. She was totally comfortable and in the zone. She looked like she was having fun for the first time in weeks.

Phil – Fat Bottom Girls. Surprised they used it in the medley if Phil’s gonna do it, too. But really, what other Queen song would he have done? It fits. I guess he did his Phillip Phillips-ian thing. He’s sounding less and less like a Dave Matthews copycat these days. Perhaps he’s finding his own authentic sound and style more, which if so, I’m all in favor. I enjoyed that but I wasn’t blown away. It was just fun. Oh, god. I’m agreeing with JLo and Randy more and more these days. That ain’t right. Hollie – Save Me. And in the pimp slot, too. Huh. Horrible necklace. God. It burns the eyes. And is this performance really pimp slot worthy? Again, I say huh. She performed half the song looking down at her feet and the other half with her eyes closed. The judges were bored and I was bored, too. And JLo is way too into being this child’s therapist. I feel like I’m eavesdropping on her latest session. Blah. Send this girl home (continued...)

( continues...) already.

Contestant's Choise Songs

Jessica – Dance With My Father. Sounded lovely. Looked lovely. Bored to tears. Poor robot child. And now the judges are giving her the “So glad you came” soft pedal. Wah-wah. Skylar – Have no idea what this song is, but it brought the nasally back with a vengeance. I’m assuming the song is called Tattoos on This Town. I shall call it that regardless. It’s a tedious song, whatever the name. She’s better than the song, for sure. Horrible choice but she sang it well. Randy, you did not make up ginormous. For real? Why is he such a tool? Oh, Steven, just say it. The song was crap.

Joshua – Ready for Love. Wow. Great song choice. And not at all what I would’ve thought he’d choose. Fire! That was my favorite Joshua performance of all time. That was spotless. I can’t even hate. Take off the scarf. OK, I can hate a little.

I would love it if Elise were the one doing DMB, but I’m guessing not.

Elise – Do these kids hate her? I mean that clip package was kinda . . . hmmm. Have no idea what this song is. I guess she likes it. Some of the notes are a little bit tortured. Not everything needs to be a run. I couldn’t even tell what some of the words were supposed to be. JLo is lying and Steven is right. Young kids won’t vote for that song. And I’m agreeing with Randy again. God dammit. But she did try to do too much with that song. I just wanted to hear a few of the notes sung straight on. Just a few.

Phil – The Stone. Sigh. This is so expected and such a step backward in my opinion. Dude has to know that everyone under the sun thinks he’s a Dave Matthews wannabe. And so now he does a Dave Matthews song like Dave Matthews. I just don’t get it. He sounds like a guy in a DMB cover band and that is not the impression one would want to give. JLo cannot have it both ways. Phil’s song was too obscure but Elise’s song was fine? Whatever. Julianne Hough sighting. What?

Hollie – The Climb. I love this song and I don’t care who knows it. Best shower song ever! And she sounded really great here. OK, I see now why she got the pimp slot. And she looked better than normal, not like your 90 year old grandma if your 90 year old grandma shopped at Forever 21. Every once in a while the light shining on her legs made it look like she had on pantyhose. I hope for her sake that’s not true. Not with peep toes. By far, her best performance ever.

Top 2 (by far)

Joshua

Skylar

Middle 2

Phillip

Hollie

Bottom 2

Jessica

Elise

I think either of those bottom 2 could go this week. Elise has been teetering on the edge for a while now and Jessica is just so overly programmed. She needs a Brit Brit style, shave the head break down. It would make her more human.

Also, SYTYCD commercial. EEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeee! I'm a little bit excited.

Battle Round #1: Elise v. Jessica

Well, drat. I’m already wrong on my B2 because I had these two duking it out for who would go home. And why is Jimmy biting my three faces of Jessica line? Jimmy IV, are you a secret Buffista? Y’all, Jimmy hates Elise so, so much. It’s really kind of uncomfortable to watch. Hmm, since there are only six people left, of course one is in the B3 and one is in the top 3. Really, Ryan? And it’s Elise. Makes sense when the choice is between these two. And I still think she’ll be the one to go home tonight no matter who else joins her on the Stools of Doom.

Oh, show. Nobody even remembers Stefano. And this song validates nobody completely. I refuse. Sub-Disney Channel level pablum.

Battle Round #2: Joshua vs. Hollie

Hmm, well this is an easy one, right? Yes, exactly. The only thing I ever want to hear Katy Perry sing . . . well, I never want to hear Katy Perry sing anything live because she’s terrible. Rather the only Katy Perry song I truly groove on is Firework. Although, if we have to see her, I’ll take the Fuck You, Russell Brand song. It’s kinda funky.

Battle Round #3: Skylar vs. Phil

Based on last night’s singing, it should easily be Skylar who is safe. Based on little girls who spend all night speed dialing, it should be Phillip. Who’s voting reigns supreme? Usually, the tweens will out. And so shall it ever be. But of course, Skylar goes right back, so this whole last match up didn’t matter at all. Way to waste my time, show.

Death Match: Hollie vs. Elise

This is a tough one. Elise is the better singer but she’s Idol old and Hollie closed the night in the pimp slot with a very solid performance. I’m thinking Elise has finally used up all her lives.

Elise. Exactly. She did way better than I thought she would. Top 6 for a 28 year old is not bad at all.

This is a really solid top 5. It’s almost making me want to go back and do a side by side comparison. It’s been a while since they’ve had this level of quality in a season for sure. I don’t hate any of these kids. I can’t remember when the last time was that happened. Hollie still needs to go, though. For real.

Drag Race: I have no idea where she got it, but a friend told me last night that the rumor is that Absolut wants Phi Phi, but Ru doesn't, so that's why they solicited "America's opinion."

I dont like Phi Phi. I want Sharon to win. Im sure Absolit doesnt think she's mainstream enough.

I think a more plausible rumor is that Absolut doesn't want Sharon, and Ru is building popular support for her.

I think a more plausible rumor is that Absolut doesn't want Sharon, and Ru is building popular support for her.

Those come out to the same thing, though, right?

No one wants Chad?

I don't watch the show, but how can you be a drag queen named Chad. the hell?