Liese, I loved your recap so much, I want to cover it in chalk white body paint and pretend that we are two statues becoming one. No heart hands, though, because that's just wrong.

Bwah! Right backatcha, sister! But you know, without heart hands.

More audition episodes are fine; longer battle rounds, which really sucked the life out of the show for a bit, are not.

So very much this. It was so annoying to watch battle rounds with people we hadn't really seen before.

Re: Top Chef. I was hoping for Mary Sue, because she seems really nice, but mostly because I don't want to have problems getting a Jardinière reservation for the opera when they open up in about a month. But I'm happy for Floyd since Tabla was the only restaurant I had been to of this set of chefs.

Is it terrible that I want to get rid of Clarice just for that thing on her hip?

Who got eliminated?

no one.

I am making heart hands at kat and Liese just cause.

That kinda sucks. Are they going to eliminate 4 people next week?

I mean I'm glad we'll get to see everyone again BUT there are a few people I'd rather not see.

Are they going to eliminate 4 people next week?

Yep,I can see the problem they had. No one really screwed up, and the solos were all strong.

What was the opening number like?

It wsas a Sonja number, sort of dark. I liked it.

msbelle is still the nicest even though she uses the hated heart hands.

First SYTYCD results show fun. Pretty color, Cat Deeley. She looks kind of like an inverted tulip tonight.

Group Number/Jazz/Sonya/XR2 – Sasha is commanding that center. Melanie? Also tearing it up. Nick is a pale ass white boy. Are the white people wearing powder? Please say yes. Jess is about the same size as Tadd? Huh. And which of the boy’s was owning that center? It was Marko. Hell, yeah. Despite their best efforts to continue to toss Ryan in my face, she made no impression on me. The choreo looked like Sonya doing a bad Wade impression. And lookee there. It was Sonya doing a bad Wade impression

Out of the first group of three? I’d be surprised if any were in the bottom. Iveta was dressed like a hooker. And did Cat make a Fall Guy reference? Ha! She’s showing her age with that one. I think that sailed over several tweens heads. All safe. As I suspected.

Jordan needs to wipe all that facepaint off. It’s seriously insane. She’s looks like a clown. Ashley and Chris beat out Jordan and Tadd. Huh. Did not see that one coming. Going first has its dangers.

WTF, Clarice? That’s not even a butt bow. It looks like she just took a whole mess of toilet paper and hot glued it to her hip. I couldn’t imagine out of that group that it wouldn’t be Clarice and Jess. Caitlin danced well plus she was gonna get sympathy votes, plus with Clarice and Jess there’s the Tasty factor. And so it was. When will they stop letting Tasty choreograph Broadway. When?

Musical guest Keri Hilson. I don’t dislike her but I want dancers on this show so I respectfully refuse to talk about her. I will instead comment on her dancers and whether any of them appear to be former contestants which it does not seem so and that is unacceptable. It really shows that that they were not former contestants because ther are all really bad. Also, I know I said I wouldn’t say anything about Miss Keri but she is the worst lip syncher ever. Sometimes she just kind of forgot to sing. Damn girl. And what the hell is she singing about? Is this song about strippers? First you gotta pay to see me. Umm, this is a family show. And Cat called her Kelly, I think. Hee. Love her.

Ryan and Ricky are an awfully toothy pair. Out of the final two, clearly it’s Robert and Miranda, right? And Robert is rocking the yellow doo rag. What? Dance guest star: Some Russian dude. Oh, lord. Stop trying to make the Gopak happen. It’s impressive, I guess, but really not all that engaging. It’s like ballet done to Russian folk music. OK.

Solos:

Mitchell/Say – Well, he was a joy, wasn’t he? That was lovely. Lovely.

Jordan/Hot Like Wow – That was sick. Say what you will about it playing into all the worst hot girl tropes (which she did), the girl has skills.

Tadd/Jump, Jive, and Wail – Fairly unimpressive b-boy set, except for the last move, given what’s come before on this stage.

Clarice – Ok the first extension? Wow. The toilet paper on the hip is just weird. And the rest of the routine was normal hair flippy, trick monster nonsense non-dancing.

Jess/Mr. Bojangles – I really do not like him or his White Sammy ways at all.

Miranda/The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – Hair flinging mess. Oh, hello hoppy pirouette and pointless extensions. How I haven’t missed you at all!

Robert/Electric – I can’t get over the fact that this fool just stole Hulk Hogan’s old t-shirt, shredded the sleeves and threw it on over some old sweats and came out to perform. Once I did, though, I can say that he was wholly unimpressive and I am unclear about whether he actually danced or not.

Lady Gaga – No Mark in the video = no love from me

Why did Nigel pronounce saxophonist like that?

Mitchell and Robert dance off? Huh. I don’t like it. Robert Solo #2? Didn’t like it any better the second time around. And the judges seemed like they weren’t even paying attention.

Mitchell Solo #2? Less splendid than the first (continued...)