Pia Toscano/River Deep, Mountain High/Tina Turner – Oh, y’all, the quavery voice is back. Why does she get that weird quaver when she’s singing up tempo? This is what I didn’t like about her when I heard her singing in Hollywood week group round. It’s so weird because she doesn’t have it at all when she’s singing ballads. But more up tempo numbers? The crazy wild vibrato takes over. I mean, she still was pitch perfect because the fool can blow, but the vibrato thing? It’s a puzzle. And the judges finally decide to critique a little bit. Well, minus Steven Tyler, but I think he’s really there to just model his blouse collection and feed his dope habit at this point. JLo was right that she’s still very, very stiff and she needs to find a stronger stage persona. Still by far the best girl left in the competition and who’d have thunk it way back when?
Stefano Langone/When a Man Loves a Woman/Percy Sledge – Sigh. I know he’s gonna do the Michael Bolton version rather than the Percy version. He is gonna be cheese on toast. Trust that this is so. I did not need the extended crotch shot while he sat on the steps doing a merely passable falsetto. And then he was up and into the typical Stefano “I gotta make a poop” face and straining that little voice for all it’s worth. It’s so sad that he thinks he has a much bigger voice than he does. He’s so much better when he’s singing soft and sweet and not trying to be a belter (which he is not so please cut it out). The last 4 bars of that song were wonderful, so tender. Randy, in his inarticulate way, was actually making sense. He doesn’t need to go full bore and push his voice to its max, almost breaking point. He can do more of that tender thing, that crooning, and it suits his voice better. Sigh. If Randy weren’t so useless, he might’ve really had something there.
Paul in the pimp slot? That shit ain’t right.
Paul McDonald/Folsom Prison Blues/Johnny Cash – I refuse. I can’t with this one. I can’t believe I used to like this fool. The voice is total nails on a chalkboard for me now. He’s just talking in a singsong voice now. It’s not melodic. Does it even count as singing? I’ve heard bums on the corner that sound just like that and they don’t get recording contracts. They don’t even get a dollar to put towards more Mad Dog. And then for several bars in the middle, he just didn’t sing at all. Not that I’m complaining since he, you know, can’t sing, but damn fool. This is a singing competition. You can’t spend several eight counts just sitting there strumming your guitar dancing your St. Vidas dance and not singing. It’s like during the Dance for your Life portion of SYTYCD when the hair flinging blonde kids spend twelve eight counts just walking around the stage aimlessly posing and pouting and hair flinging and then use the last 10 seconds to actually dance. I don’t like it on Nigel’s other show and I didn’t like it here. Terrible. And the judges were so quick and so reluctant to bring any relevant critique to that horror show that Ryan wound up having to stretch and fill by imitating the truly, truly awful St. Vidas dance. Oh, Ry Ry, no.
Top Three
Scotty, Haley, Pia
Middle of the Pack
Casey, Lauren
Bottom Four (because I can)
Jacob, Twitchy, Stefano and Paul
Real B3 will likely be Stefano, Jacob and maybe Paul or Lauren? Ain’t no way Twitchy gets even a whiff of B3. Haley might fall into the B3 again even though she shouldn’t because she went so early and was good but not as great as last week.
Going Home
My guess is Stefano. He’s cute and he had a good run as a wild card pick, but I’m betting it’s time for his sing out courtesy of the Cookie Monster.