I had a minor meltdown yesterday when my publicist told me that she's scheduling radio interviews and I need to have a landline because cells sound like ass.

I don't have a landline. And i have an open office plan with a technical staff that are like toddlers, so I can't have a private phone conversation.

I was like, "oh well, no radio! sorry!"

I always need people to interpret blind items for me. I'm celebrity-gossip-impaired unless it involves a dude in eyeliner.

Is there an office or meeting room you could borrow for bits of time, Allyson?

I don't have a landline.

Can you borrow one from a friend?

Do you know anyone with a landline that you could use, Allyson?

Allyson, could you arrange to borrow a neighbor's? Since they'd be in-calls, it wouldn't cost the neighbor much, and since the call is scheduled, it would be easy to arrange in advance.

FWIW, Interview Guru Guy strongly advised against cellphone-interviews for the same reason as your publicist.

Can you borrow one from a friend?

Use your lifeline, paperdol!

I'd have to leave work to do that, though. The HR person suggested that I could use the server room phone, and just lock it.

But I'd have to be extra stealthy, even with a sign on the door they'd knock and go, "oh, there's a sign, let me read it out loud and yell inside and ask when she'll be done."

Or, I could be exaggerating. Unsure.

Probably not. DAMN YOU, SCIENTISTS!

Maybe you could use the humor of the interruptions to publicize your next book about the humor of herding scientists?

Okay. I'm going to stop freaking about it, because it's possible that no one will want to interview me, and so I'm not going to have a heart attack about unhatched chickens.