Towards the end this may get a little tl;dr but.. Things are getting a little better. I'm going home early tomorrow. I'll go to the funeral home with an aunt and an uncle. My aunt (this is the one who gave mouth to mouth to a fish), can't remember how to get to the funeral home or what the name is, so she's going to call tomorrow. I would call my uncle, but he doesn't have a phone because he has no feeling in his nerve endings so can't work one and says most of the people he wants to talk to come around anyway. That's my craxy assed Morgans.
Anyway, so I'll get to go home and help tomorrow, do the viewing on Friday and then head back for St. Pat's on Sat. My reasoning is this: I was mostly at Grandaddy's funeral for Mimi. I said my goodbye to him the day I left his hospital bedside. It was good to be around family, but I'll still get to do that. Friday night, I'll come home and stay up all night making gumbo, with roux the way Mimi taught me, and that will be my goodbye to her.
It was only when Mr. Jane was asking me if I didn't think I'd be a puddle of jelly at the party that I realized why it was still important to me. It's because, while yeah, I'll probably lose my shit a few times that day, but my friends, the little family I'm making for myself will be there. They'll hug me, let me cry and make me laugh.
Last night I was terribly upset knowing that the two people on the earth I was absolutely sure would always love me were going to be gone (I don't have the best relationship history with my parents). But you know, I got sincere condolences from people who've never met me. My brand new friends offering to bring me dinner or keep me company. My best girlfriends organizing a callathon to make sure I'm doing ok. My cousin being just awesome. My best guy friend emailing me shit like "You have been the been my most loyal friend for all these years and it truely hurts my heart to see you made to endure the tragedy you have the last few months. Heather you are one of the most awsome people I know, able to keep that smile and charming disposition in the face of some pretty serious adversity. If there is any way I can help, I would consider it the least I could do for such a good friend, just say the word." and I'm just overwhelmed and feeling really loved, and while I honor Mimi, I'd like to honor that as well.
'Cause I think whatever makes these people like me, probably had something to do with her.