Cold night in this part of town, 'cause it is December and we voted that the dark of the year needed to have some elements of winter. Nothing threatening, you only need a good coat to be really comfy. Still, dark of the year. You know in your brain that the days will get longer and the sun will be pounding down as hot as before in just a few more months, but your gut--your gut still things that banging some pots and pans and shouting might be a good thing come Solstice, just to make sure the dragon spits the sun out again.
Wait, that's eclipses. Never mind.
Up on the roof of the folly, leaning against Stone Bob, staring out over the town, looking up at the stars, thinking dark of the year thoughts.
Vampires walk very softly when they want to. Maybe I should get him a bell. "It's late," he says as softly as his footsteps. "You haven't been sleeping anyway, being up here isn't helping."
"Tossing and turning isn't going to help either, and it'll just keep you awake--though why you're here and not outing and abouting is a question that should be answered."
"If I said I was worried about you, would you believe me?"
I'll hug him for that in just a bit, but not yet. "Another year gone by. I've been reading my journals of all that's happened here. And as scary and as dangerous as some of it's been, I know there's nowhere else I'd rather be."
"And this is giving you insomnia?"
I look out at the darkness beyond the lights, to the world outside the realm of Sang Sacre. "I've been thinking--about other me's. Ones who don't get to live in a town where they do work they love and which they're loved for. Where the battles never stay won, where things don't get better and you have to be satisfied that at the end of the day you haven't gone down for the last time but you know you're going to have to do it all again tomorrow."
I tilt my head back so the tears don't trip off my chin. "Somewhere there's a me who knows her dreams fell in the face of reality a long time ago, where people say she's strong but all she wants is for it to be over one way or another so she can just stop fighting. She's won everything so far, but hers is a patient enemy who only retreats but is never fully defeated. Heroism is bending without breaking, not standing victorious on a clearly won battlefield. She's very tired, and I'm here with all my loved ones safe and strong and there's no fight before me that I know I can't win, and I don't think I deserve it."
His arms come around me, and I lean back against him, knowing that he can take my weight and then some. I only stand alone if I want to.
"That other you, wherever she is," he say finally, "thinks of you, but she doesn't begrudge you the battles you fight and win or the life you lead. Where do you think she gets her warrior's courage from, if not from you?"
Several minutes later, when I can finally stop crying, I accept the linen handkerchief he pulls out of that convenient pocket dimension that handles these sorts of things. Very useful in theaters, when you run out of kleenex halfway through the movie and you know you're going to need more.
I manage a smile that isn't too soggy. "Can I keep you?"
"If you must," he sighs. I lean up to kiss him, but when I start to lead him back downstairs, he doesn't cooperate. I come to a dead stop. OK, this better not be some damned Insta!Golem version of Bob who tells me unexpectedly mushy stuff but isn't interested in sex. He laughs at the look on my face. "When's the last time you and Old Stoneface here went flying?" He pats Stone Bob on the shoulder, and the gargoyle turns his head just a little, with an interested cock to his granite ear.
"It has been a while," I admit. The night may be cold, but it's perfectly clear, and the stars and moon are brilliant.
Bob shucks off his coat and puts it around my shoulders. "Go on, then. I'll have some mulled wine for you when you get back." He kissed me again and pushes me towards the gargoyle. "Fly for the ones who can't."