Dandelions. It would be dandier if I could find Edward. I don't know what I drank last night-- or even if it was something one doesn't drink, as such-- but I seem to have lost Edward. And Jilli. And Clovis. And I've no idea where Dagfari is, either.

I flop down on the grass at the edge of the group, and start digging in pockets for painkillers.

Witches' hat... napkin... fangs... stake... paper aeroplane... red nose... chocolate. That'll do.

"Anyone else for a chunk of Fagin's Extra Dark?"

David's masterful foot rub has put me into a state of near coma. I may have an out-of-body experience any moment. Above my head, I'm vaguely aware of people passing bottles and other items to each other. There's a gentle breeze, the sound of distant water. I feel myself letting go.

I'm not sure if hours, days or weeks have passed before I shake myself aware and begin heading home. Unfortunately, before I get there I overhear the latest news on the radio.

I feel as if a weight is pressing on my back. My steps slow as I reach my street. My front yard is covered with dandelions. Good.

It's Saint Patrick's Day, so the music and beer are flowing freely at The Client & Server. The crowd seems on edge tonight, so I murmur to the husband to pour up a round of Guinness on the house, and suggest that the musicians pick up the tempo a little.

Dancing will make it all better.

It's hard to find a good place to stay when you are a troll. People think you have designs on their babies and it just gets ugly. But on St. Pat's being green is an advantage.

I have never seen Bob the Vampire so close to losing his cool in public. "What's wrong?"

"If I hear one more rendition of 'It's Not Easy Being Green', I swear I'm going to find out what frog blood tastes like. I hate this holiday."

"Bob, you're Irish. It's supposed to be your national holiday."

"A, I wasn't Catholic. B, the Irish in Ireland wouldn't be caught dead drinking green beer or wearing pins that say 'Kiss Me I'm Irish' or plastic green bowler hats." He glances down at the hand I'm trying to hide behind my back. "Don't even think it."

Sighing, I put the headband with the sparkly green shamrocks on springs back on the merchant's table. "But you'd be cute wearing that."

Whatever he's muttering, it's a good thing I don't speak Gaelic. I think it was something about me getting tickled and not enjoying it.

erika, when my relatives have come to visit, I've had very good luck with both the Trolliday Inn Old Quarter and Kat Perez's hotel in Bresilico. Both have very high ceilings, large beds, and generally cater to, er..., larger beings. You know, trolls, giants, defensive linemen...

Thanks for the tip. I do need a place with headroom.I'll stop someplace and have a green beer first.

Deep breaths, Edward my girl. Take stock of the situation. You're lying in a gutter-- body following the mind, clearly-- your dress is ripped, your head aches (was ginger the only thing in the biscuit you accepted from a stranger? Unlikely), and you've no idea where you are. Well, Sang Sacre, but beyond that? No idea.

Perhaps a local citizen would be so kind as to inform me of my whereabouts? Or, here's a better plan, there's what looks like a police station over there. I'll just see if I can cross the street...

"I'm not going to wear that."

"Awww, Querida. It's so cute. Just try it on." Raul is giving me the fish eye, but I will prevail. I hold out the hat to him again. It's one of those tall, pointy sorcerer's caps, purple with white stars and swirls. Just like Mickey's in Fantasia. On the front is written in black script, "Ask me about demons stay free!"

"NO. Por nigun motivo. Ya te dije."

"But, guagua, this is our biggest promotion to date." I point to the sign near the door. "Demons under 100 years old accompanied by an elder demon stay free!" There's even a picture of Quetzalcoatl and a tiny serpent demon. "No es adorable?"

"The poster can stay, but there's no way I'm wearing the hat. You wear it."

"I can't wear it. I'm wearing the pin. Just put it on. Just for today." He's smiling, so I know I've broken him. "Good. Now I gotta find the cats."

I walk away swinging my tiny bow ties in my left hand. This is bound to drum up some new guests.