PENGUIN LUST!!!

Sorry, sorry. Got carried away.

From the Sun Picayune:

[Sang Sacre] Local officials are urging citizens to remain calm following a reported outbreak of penguin lust in the city. The militia are seeking someone in connection with the investigation, and are asking for the populace's help. The suspect is reported to be a flightless water fowl, thirty inches tall, black with white breast feathers, with an extremely prominent nose, and was last seen wearing a black bowtie and a Carmen Miranda hat. If seen, do not approach, as the suspect as believed to be evil and smelly. Contact Sergeant Chopper at militia headquarters in Greenwood if you have any information regarding the suspect.

Wishy-Washy taps me on the shoulder and gives a little wave. "Listen, I'm taking off, all right? I'm not really into elections."

"We may be fighting evil," I say brightly.

"Yeah. Well. Good luck with that, dude. I have to go find a job."

"Job? Well! While I am disappointed that you will not be fighting alongside us in the coming struggle, I am proud of your effort to better yourself."

"Better myself? It's not that, man. I need some money, so I can get me a Playstation 2. Sucks, though. The one in the mirror world had all my high scores."

"That's really tragic," says Penny.

"I know," says Wishy-Washy. He turns his head aside to wipe something from his eyes. "I'll see you around, maybe. I'm going to see if I can scrounge up some Funyuns. I'm jonesing for some snackage."

"Very well, my morally ambiguous twin. May you prosper in your pursuit of electronic diversions and high-calorie snack foods."

"Right. Later." He walks away.

I turn to see Zar sitting patiently on her haunches.

"Eleazar! My good friend!"

"Uh, did you forget my name?" Penny asks. "I'm Penny."

"Yes, of course. I am speaking to my canine companion, who is of course invisible to other mortals so as to cause them to question my mental stability. It's a standard helper-from-beyond clause." It occurs to me that I didn't know this much about the inner workings of good before the mirror split. Bonus!

Eleazar barks.

"What is it, girl?"

She barks several times in quick succession, then licks herself, then growls and barks again several times.

"I see. Our course is clear, then."

"Our course?"

"Yes, friend Penny. That is, if you are willing to face the danger. I would force no one to face the challenge we are about to embark on without full cognizance of its perils."

"What is it? A chthonic voyage to the land of the dead in search of secrets and rebirth? An epic quest across continents to destroy/retrieve/impregnate an artifact of great power? A temporary job as Rush Limbaugh's personal trainer?"

"Those are indeed perilous tasks," I say, shuddering at the thought of Rush Limbaugh wearing bicycle shorts. "But ours is still more perilous.

"No, friend Penny, our task--if your heart is willing--is to volunteer at a polling place."

The press are already gathered. Mayor-to-be-Aeshma is coming later, and the journalists are swarming. Literally, in the case of one fellow (or possibly woman) who looks like a giant bee.

I push my way to the front, using my pencil as a weapon, and settle in to wait for the candidate.

//Dagfari? Get the cell ready. I'm going to need to teleport back in a hurry.//

//Yes, Miss. And try and catch that bear, will you?//

"Vo.. volunteer??"

"Your heart quails?"

"No. No. It's just. . . I've done this before." I shudder at the memory of bad coffee , frayed nerves and pomposity.

Knut pats my back, sending me several feet off the sidewalk. "Fear not. The campaign will be sore trial, but we shall prevail for our cause is just and our tactics spring from the brain of Hecubus. Besides, we can bring our own food, and we'll really be getting on Aeshma's nerves."

"Okay. I'm up for it. Also, campaign flyers."

"Hmmmm. How about 'Aeshma: Willing to Pay Top Dollar for Your Vote'?"

"Knut, that's brilliant! Every lowlife in the city will be banging down Aeshma's door. Ooh! We could also advertise free foood at all Aeshma events."

"And order dozens of pizzas for his campaign headquarters!"

"I'm sold. Let's go sign up for polling duty - they always need people. We might try to infiltrate Aeshma's HQ while we're at it."

I killed the thread.

shaking fist at self

You bastard!

It's just resting.

Beautiful plumage, isn't it, guvnor?

FWIW, I'm kind of at a loss. Someone must know what happens next!

Well, it's an election, right? There needs to be a debate.

Also, maybe a quick recap is in order, but then there's that whole "I'm really lazy," thing.

t A crowd chanting.

"Re-Count! Re-Count! Re-Count!"

t Booming voice from above.

"I said re-*CAP*, you imbeciles!"