It's morning in Victoria, and I'm sitting out on my sun porch with a cup of coffee and my laptop, catching up on natter. The sun porch isn't very sunny today, because the unnatural fog that settled over Sang Sacre is still there. Phred called earlier to tell me about the latest bizarreness, an invasion of the city by Smurfs, of all things, but they don't seem to have gotten over to this part of town. Thank heaven for small favors.
I take another sip of coffee, click on 'Read New', but there is no joy, only the Message Center. Drat, that means I have to do some work. I begin sorting through the pile of correspondence I brought out with me, looking for one particular item. Here it is, a past due notice from the outfit that tricked Phred into ordering 200 cases of ink jet cartridges. No way on God's green earth I'm paying it, so I start composing a note to my attorney.
"Hello!"
I turn with a start. "What the..." A face begins to appear out of the fog outside the porch window, which resolves into a giant, animated paperclip. The paperclip continues to speak to me.
"I see you are writing a letter. Would you like my assistance?"
"Auuugh!!!"
Oh, hell. I came to Sang Sacre to forget my past. No one knows what I was here, the things I did, the people I worked for, the crimes I commited in the name of technical support--but I was only following orders!
Breathe, breathe.
There's no choice. It's followed me here--or found its own way.
Slowly I save the new porn I was working on and shut off the computer. Achmed the Clever pokes his head in to see why I'm stopping work so early.
"Achmed, it's time. Bring me the box." "Sitt, no ..." "It's OK, Achmed. Just stay inside." "Yes, sitt."
It's a simple box, maple, a good lock. I wear the key on a chain around my neck. Achmed steps back as I lift the lid. There's not much--but it doesn't have to be. Slowly I lift out the single item inside, a plastic card with my name and picture on it. And a title: "Connie Neil: Microsoft Technical Support."
I can't handle the operating system in a real knockdown fight, but I've heard of sightings of Clippy in town. He's mine to fight. I slip the ID badge over my head and feel it come over me.
Once again, I am ... Word Woman.
Fine, you can laugh, you don't have the nightmares, the flashbacks, the twitches when you see hourglasses on a screen ...
I sit at my big desk, the one with all the backlighting so I can appear as a shadowy figure. However nobody is showing up to be shadowy in front of. Never could count on superheros. I return to the lab, where Inga is monitoring the big console 'o video screens.
"Inga, what's going on out there? Did any of my superheros show up?"
"Just a free agent apparently hunting down a halogram of a paper clip."
"Damn, I guess I just have to shut down the controller myself. Have Hans prepare the Gudmobile."
Hans pulls off the tarp revealing the yellow and wood-paneled glory of the '74 AMC Matador wagon that is the Gudmobile.
"Hans, hook up the big cable to the port under the license plate."
Hans follows the orders and hooks up the huge cable. "What's it for boss?"
"Power. I replaced the engine with a fusion reactor. It takes a lot of power to start it up. Oh, never turn off the engine while you're driving it, it can't start without a rather large external power source. Now get in and turn the ignition when I give the command."
Hans gets in with a little hesitation and sticks the key in the ignition. "Fusion, huh?"
"Yeah, very environmental and loads of torque." I flip the big metal lever that puts the Matador's reactor in circuit with the city's power grid. Once again I reget not finishing the work on the new castle reactor that would have enough power for this job. "Okay, crank it!"
Hans turns the key. The lights flicker and go out for a couple of seconds. They flicker back to life. A low hum emits from the Matador. I spy a red light the garage console.
"Hey computer, what happend?"
The ignition sequence overloaded the city power grid. The castle is now operating on the internal reactor.
"So did that cut power to the holographic controller?"
Affirmative. No part of the city power grid is currently on-line.
"Hans, turn the car off. Looks like our problem is solved."
Hey, where'd the lights go? Guys? Guys?
aaaawrooooooo.....
