"No, sorry. Not my fault."

Jilli looks skeptical. I can only shrug.

"I'm serious," I tell her. "It's not me. It's my nemesis who I trapped in a mountain for five hundred years come back to wreak vengeance and give everyone a headache. Or take over the town. Or hog all the nachos and imported beer. Who knows? He's crazy."

"Your nemesis", I repeat. Clovis wiggles his ears.

"So, do you have any guesses as to what your nemesis will next pull out of his bag of tricks? Or are we just winging it?"

I sit down in a convenient chair. Clovis looks up at me.

"edward! find edward!"

"We will, bunny. We will."

So Clovis already knows about Edward, but not where she is. That could be a small problem.

Now it appears that Miracleman isn't going to blast me into little bits- smithereens are so last season- I sit on the couch instead of behind it, and arrange my expansive skirt. It doesn't rival Jilli's, but a girl has to have some pride.

From here, I can see out of the window, to the gutter on the other side of the street. Is it my imagination, or is there a very large spider crawling out?

I crack open a beer and sit opposite Jilli. "We're just winging it. I'm far too tired to hunt him down. He's probably under the city, or opening a stall in the mall or something. Really, it's sort of tiresome. It's always 'hordes of undead' this or 'evil twins from mirrors' that or 'rampaging armies of skeletons' over there. What he should do is something truly nasty like run for political office. I can only thank the gods that he...can't...hear..."

I have forgotten one of the principle rules of being a wizard. Your words can have an affect on reality.

"Crap. What I meant to say was that what he should do is, uh...make all the sewers back up. And, um...fill the streets with, say, tapioca...

"Bugger."

I look over my slightly stained scrolls from Carl's Sandwich and Magic Shop. The election summoning spell is easy enough and Deimos has already collected a TV and a pile of money to sacrifice in the ceremony. Since Carl's was having a buy-one-get-one-free sale I also picked up a curse to hurl at my nemesis. Something called the 'Shatner' curse. Fun will have to wait, I need to get this election summoned.

I begin the chant, a collection of words that is at once bold and noncommital. I finish the change and in a great puff of chads, the election is summoned. Immediately the collection of fiends in nice suits that make up my campaign team are giving me advice, booking interviews with local media outlets, and referring to me as the next Mayor of Sang Sacre.

No, not a spider.

An skeleton made of tapioca.

The jelly-things were disgusting, but this is worse.

"Too late there," I say, as grimly as possible. It's hard to be grim properly when you feel like you're about to vomit again.

Oh dearie dearie me.

I look at Miracleman in horror.

"You didn't just say what I think you did. Please tell me you didn't forget one of the basic rules of magic, and just spoke into being a very nasty idea. Because it sure seems like that's what you just did."

"Now what?" Bob the vampire says, seeing I've gone pale. Paler.

"I feel a trembling in the--"

"Don't finish that, please."

"Well, I do. As if a thousand souls cried out in anguish and then were--forced to vote in an election."

"No! Oh, that is evil."

"We start off with making a case for new leadership." Explains one of my demonic consultants. "We'll point out how under the current mayor the city has nearly been destroyed by the forces of chaos, an army of orcs, hordes of undead and whatnot. We can also bring up the odd rain of frogs and that sort of thing."

"Will the leading-the-orc-army issue come back to me if we run with this?" I ask.

"We can spin that."

"Good. Good. Do I need to have a position on anything. "

The consultant shakes horned head. "No. No. We'll just run negative and just be vague about what your campaign actually stands for."

"Perfect, when do we start?"

"We'll start airing the ads immediately. Then..." The demon's cellphone starts to ring. He takes the call while I use the pause to look over my 'Shatner' curse. Apparently the curse causes the victim's collection of recorded music to be replaced by someone called William Shatner singing the same lyrics. It doesn't sound like a terrible curse but Carl's didn't have a great selection.

"Good news." My demon consultant tells me. "We've got an interview setup with a local TV station at the burned out remains of the Krispy Kreme store. It'll be perfect for a law and order speech."

"I'll need to make a stop to deliver a curse."

The consultant looks at his watch. "Okay, but we need to leave right now."

I head for my mount but the consultant stops me. "Um, we think that a hellish horse-thing sends the wrong message. We've lined up a hybrid car to travel in."

I sigh. I damn well better win this election.

"What? No, no I wouldn't.

Yeah. Yeah, I did. Sorry."

I have to think. What we need to counter an election is, of course an opponent for Aeshma. Not me...I don't play well on camera and my debating skills are usually limited to "Oh YEAH? Well, can YOU destroy, say, YOUR HOUSE BITCH?" So it'll have to be...

Hell, I dunno.

"You think an incumbent has better odds than a new candidate for our side?" I ask.