When I get back Miracleman is poking a stick into his own heating vent. Everyone else is looking at a huge whole that has suddenly appeared in the wall. Everyone except Knut.

I run over to the wall. Knut is outside. He seems to be fine. Dear, sweet, brave Knut. I get tears in my eyes contemplating the wonder of Knut; the wonder of us all, really. I feel more certain than ever that if we all just work together, the world will be a better place.

What? I shake my head. I seem to have been possessed by a foreign train of thought. The mirror thing may have affected me more than I realized.

I tap Miracleman on the shoulder, causing him to send a bolt of fire across my shoes. Thank goodness for Docs.

"Say, Miracleman, do you have any idea what happens if you kill a magically engendered evil twin?"

"I saw them first!"

My evil twin glares at me.

"You did not. Bitch."

"Did so!"

We both look longingly at the black and white loafers with bat shoe clips that I'm holding. I sigh.

"Look, we could share them."

"I'm evil. I shouldn't have to."

"Yeah yeah yeah. C'mon, I'll get these, and you can get the next perfect item we find."

She sighs. "Fine. Let's stop for coffee when we're done here."

"Franks Furniture"

Honestly, what are people thinking of? Fortunately, I'm getting good at this, and fast: bottle, match, sling, and I'm off.

I'm halfway down the block when I hear the explosion.

"Spring for the apostrophe next time, jerks!"

I speed into the darkness. So much work to do, so little time.

The first thing to do is search Gert's room for clues. I need to know how long she's been planning to go bad, any hints about where she might go. I stalk across the lobby, through the big glass doors out to the courtyard. Gert's quarters are out back.

"Specially designed, handcrafted by ghouls, cost a fortune. Ingrate." I mutter under my breath. I'm not really sure exactly how I intend to face down a chaos demon. I'll worry about that later. Right now, I'm only thinking about Fiel and Enano and the others.

I grab the door handle and turn. She never locks it because, well, 8 foot chaos demon. It opens a few inches then bangs against something. I give it a couple of shoves but I can't budge it. I take a few steps back and give the door a stern look.

"No tengo tiempo para jugar. Abre." It's harder than it should be, but the door finally slides open enough for me to squeeze in. I gingerly put my foot through and brush up against something hard. I clap my hands twice and the lights come on. Gert loved the clapper.

"Huh?" I look down and see a chaos demon on the floor. "Didn't expect that."

I close the door. Light glints off the mirror hanging on the back of the door. I stoop down to try to check on Gert. How do you check a demon's pulse? All of a sudden, I'm feeling a little woozy.

"Whoo, head rush. I better sit down for a second." Gert is stirring a little, I think. "Gert, are you ok?"

"She's out like a light, but I'm feeling just fine, not that you asked."

I jump up and whirl around. The room is spinning slightly. Damn, head rush again. Once my vision clears, I see her, uh I mean me. Did I get a boob job?

She lunges for me. Damn. She found external stimulus first.

Still, it's a lunge. I can do this. I cross my arms, over hers, collapsing them. I'm tugged suddenly down -- she's bending and rolling. And throwing me.

I twist, slightly, and help her by diving over, rolling twice shoulderfirst as we go down.

Which gives me the edge -- I know I'm better at front dives than at back rolls.

But her first motion is backwards, before I can reach her, and we're even again.

Mean streets. The mean streets are remarkable free of litter, and lined with tastefully painted houses fronted by trees.

Except that one. Purple, with green trim?? Not to mention the lawn gnomes. I ignore the Gay Vampire Porn vendors and walk up to the front door. The doorbell plays a snippet of "How Much Is that Doggie in the Window," and my ire is further fueled.

I kick the door open. Ugh--it's worse than I thought. Chintz. Doilies. Paisley wallpaper. Stripes on the hardwood. And a gas fireplace.

"Listen up, people! This place looks like Hildy and Laurie had a fabric war. I hereby condemn this property for crimes against good taste, and for clashing. You've got thirty seconds to clear out."

A group of bewildered young people appear from the stairs and the various rooms. "What's the what, dude?" asks a fellow wearing an alpaca sweater, sweat pants and sandals with socks.

I tremble with rage. "Out, before I make an example of you!" They don't move until the house starts shaking. Green shoots climb out of the beige shag, and flowers sprout from the plaster Springer Spaniel beside the living room door. "I reclaim this property in the name of the Earth, and of good taste!"

After that they clear out remarkably quickly, leaving the stench of patchouli behind them. The odor is soon masked by the smell of growing things. The floors buckle and split, and the walls collapse into loam. A hundred years of growth happens in minutes, and soon a grove of old oaks stands in place of the monstrosity.

I breath easier. Mean streets are just fine. Ugly, that's another matter. Now. Where did that fellow with the socks and sandals go?

Hector- brave, bitten, burned Hector- and I crouch behind the couch, enjoying the pleasing sounds of Miracleman scorching a ferret out of the heating vents.

'Dagfari?' I ask, silently.

//Here, lady. What is it now?//

'We need to know what will happen we kill the evil twins.'

//Oh. You mean the fact that I've suddenly become semi-detached is something to do with what's going on all over?//

' You have an evil twin?'

//Yes, lady. Fully equiped, didn't the real estate man tell you?//

'I guess I didn't take it in,' I admit. 'Anyway, hit the books, would you?'

//I'll try not to hurt them,// and the snarky house is gone.

"Do you know what's going to happen?" Hector whispers urgently.

"Sorry, I don't. If I'd lived here longer I might be able to make a guess- but I think it all depends on who wins these fights. Past expericence says that either the evil twins win, and the balance is tipped to evil; or the good wins, vice versa.

"In Hunklejelly's famous book, 'Turning Points In Reality: Space, Time, Magic and the Interbalances Thereof' he says that..."

I break off as Hector screams. Having got the hang of this moving lark, the house shifted on its own, spitting the ferret out onto the carpet, and putting poor Hector back into the wall.

It's a lovely day despite my hangover from a night of bar-hopping. The flood of evil reflections has pitched the city into semi chaos. I smile as I ride by a burning building that so recently was dispensing sugar coated fried dough rings.

I arrive outside of my old foe's residence. There seems to be quite a commotion going on, excellent. I incant my dread curse of solicitation and ride off as the ground cracks open and demons begin to pour out. Demons selling cable service, dish service, vacuum cleaners, knives, newpapers, and a hundred other products. Demons recruiting members for any number of demonic cults. Demons asking for vote in the upcoming elections to determine the new leadership of the special hell being constructed here. Demon Amway representatives. Even members of the Spawn Scouts selling cookies or tickets to Spawn Scout events.

Lovely day.

"Say, Miracleman, do you have any idea what happens if you kill a magically engendered evil twin?"

"Nope. I may have to find out, though."

Just then the house lurches and the EvilMiracleFerret pops out of the woodwork. I leap, tackle and snatch him up. "Quick! A bag or a box or some--"

Too late. I'm staring at my own face. He spits and knees me in the groin.

"I'll find a way to do something to you," he shouts. "I'll find a move you can't anticipate and then we'll see who's real and who's DEAD!!"

"Very...witty. The repartee," I gasp, rolling undignifiedly on the floor.

"Oh, and that was fucking Kevin Smith dialog," he mocks. His long black trenchcoat tramsmutes to bat-like wings. "I'm outta here."

And then the doorbell starts ringing. Alot.

Poor Hector. I help him out, giggling all the while, as the doorbell starts to ring. Who now? Oh, dear. He looks so upset.

"I saw- outside- dear lord!" he gasps, and then faints. Turn and turn about. I catch him, and look over the prone figure at Miracleman, who seems a little distressed.