"It's, err, undead as normal. Look, I'm here to offer to join your army, if you'll let me off the debt. I don't like the futures I'm seeing at all."

"Uh. Sure. What the hell."

I let her in and show her to the living room. Introductions are made.

"As for a plan for our 'army', well...I don't have one.

Does anyone know a good lawyer?"

As I know Hector a little already, I go and stand by him. Not the best choice, perhaps, but it seems better than sitting next to someone as dangerous as- what were the names?- Penny and Knut.

I give Am-Chau a little wave. She seems a bit nervous. I probably do, too. The "hitting with sticks" part of my credentials was mostly theoretical. I haven't so much as made a fist since I was a kid. Still, I have the InstaGolem, and my ability to curse. On the other hand, the InstaGolem were designed for amusement and heavy housecleaning, and I'm not sure what will happen in 23 hours when they biodegrade with all that evil jello inside.

My attention is caught by something whirling on Miracleman's wall.

"Um. Miracleman? What's up with the mirror?"

I hear a cry from the staircase. Hey, Aimee! She looks a little different, though.

"Don't look at it!"

Penny waves at me and I instictively strengthen my personal boundary spells, giving Hector a little electric-style shock in the process. It seems worth it, though- Miracleman said she specializes in curses, and who knows how she casts them?

"Sorry, Hector," I mutter, before starting to stare at the mirror.

//I have a bad feeling about this,// comments Dagfari.

I send a little shock to him, too. Last thing I need in my head right now is a house that thinks it's Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Look at this. I've received my first piece of mail. Hmm, let's see...

(Billytea, if this ends up with giant spiders running loose in Sang Sancre, I will be very, very cross with you. IJS ...)

I scratch my head. There's no return address. Maybe it's from the zoning commission? If so, I'm quite impressed with the personal touch. I wonder what the tax office here might be like? "We cordially invite you to the upcoming auction of your house."

Anyway. Giant spiders. I believe the major worry there would be the link to the Amazon, some bird-eating spiders can have a legspan of a foot or so, and a body length of 4 inches. Of course, the wandering spider, though not as large, is far more dangerous. Very aggressive, likes to hide in shoes and other dark spaces, and - obviously - tends to wander. And possibly the most venomous spider on earth.

Well, the letter doesn't actually specify keeping them out too, but maybe I'll double-check the barrier. Can't hurt to be sure. Though they turn up in America in banana shipments anyway; maybe a couple more won't matter?

...No, maybe not. I'd better check again. I think I'll set up a fruit bin on the Amazon side too.

Ugh. My recent meal is not sitting well. As Am-Chau sidles closer to Hector, I slip away to find a bathroom. Zar starts to follow, but I shake my head and wave her off.

I run the faucet and try to suppress my gag reflex. Not sure what damage half-digested Jell-O skeletons can do--possibly a plumbing disaster of immense proportions--but I'd rather keep them contained.

I glance at my reflection just as someone starts shouting about the mirrors. Dizziness washes over me, the room twisting kaleidoscopically. Then I'm fine.

In fact, I'm better than fine. I feel strong in purpose, certain of the righteousness of my cause. I straighten my shoulders and thrust out my chest, then turn to rejoin my comrades.

"Ho, friends! Art prepared to brace the evil in its lair? Our cause is noble, our hearts are pure!"

Everyone's staring at me. Well, what of it?

"Friend wizard, wouldst tell us of our foe?"

"What kind of Jell-O was that?" Penny asks Miracleman.

The blowhard's gone. Finally.

I stroke my goatee. (His was red, mine's black. Of course.) I feel liberated, freed from all the strictures society places upon the weak. I want to use my new-found freedom. I want to pick my nose in church and trip old ladies and, well, there are so many dastardly things I want to do that I don't know where to begin. At last I am free!

Except for the fact that I'm stuck in this 20" X 40" medicine cabinet mirror. It's going to be a tight squeeze.

Something about this smells of lettuce, that is false and not of the true cabbage. Was it the Jell-O?

Hector takes my hand, and although I nearly gag at the spongy texture, I allow it, because we both need reassuring right now.