"Clovis, if you don't hold still, how am I supposed to adjust your bow tie?"

"i-ta! i-ta! i-ta!"

Leaving my excitable Devilbunny to his bouncing around the store, I take last look in the mirror. The top hat is securely pinned in place, the black velvet and white satin striped skirt is full and swooshy enough to possibly knock over people as I walk by them, and the lace ruffles from the white poet's blouse are cascading just so over the top of the black and white striped corset.

"Honey? Do you think I should put on more glitter?" I call.

Pete walks out, buttoning the last button on the jacket of his black silk suit.

"No. In fact, I think you're wearing enough glitter for the whole town. How many packages of rhinestones did you affix to your face?"

"Just two. Help me put on my batty wings."

"wings wings wings wings! me too!"

"Clovis, remember what happened the last time you wore wings. If Hector hadn't helped get you out of that tree ..."

I pick up my Devilbunny. Pete extends his arm. We stroll out of Goblin Market, and off to the town center.

We're getting closer to Town Hall. The fog seems to be getting thicker. I catch a flash of red out of the corner of my eye and whirl around.

"Was that a Mountie?"

"What the hell?!? Is that a group of priests in a lingere store?"

"Boss, you ain't gonna believe this."

Uh oh. "Something interesting?" I ask hesitantly.

"I think I just saw the penguin being chased down the street by Ruthie Camden."

"Oh. You know that's unpossible, right?"

"Well for sure it was the bird, and the girl looked a helluva lot like Ruthie Camden..."

I step outside and peer out into the fog. No bird, no Ruthie. As I turn to go back in, a figure catches my eye. It's a woman with gray skin, and white hair. Her movements have a birdlike quality that seems familiar somehow. Nah, it can't possibly be her.

"Chiana?"

"Was that a Mountie?"

It is! It's my new boyfriend Montgomery!

Brian rolls his eyes and mouths "Monty the Mountie?" as Elena and I bounce around giggling.

See, I wore my corset too...

"Monty? Okay, but I'm pretty sure he had a wolf with him."

Well, it's foggy and they all tend to look similarly gorgeous in this rum light.

Monty should be here shortly. He said I could ride his horse.

Trudy, honestly, TMI.

...fog out the window. Phoenix celebration.

Already I hear the screams.

Sighing contentedly, I settle down with a cold beer and H'raak Uldagur's Pantheon of the Deep: The Gods and Creation Mythos of Dwarven Culture.

If there's a problem, I'm sure I'll know. It'll give me time to hide.

Dressed in a red silk gown of vaguely Asian cut, embroidered all over in gold, with gold glitter in my hair for good measure, I step out of my Victorian row house in the Mews and let the sounds of the party, the cheers for ita, be my guide through the fog. I hear a roaring sound overhead, like an FX sonic boom, and look up. WTF? The outline is dim and fuzzy because of the silvery mist, but that looks like the Defiant.

"Chiana?"

The gray-skinned woman turned towards me, and gave me an odd look. "How do you know my name?"

"You're on TV every Friday at ten. You must be Gigi Edgley. Are you in town for a con?"

"What the frell are you talking about? What planet is this?"

"Okay, I'll play along. This is Earth, you know, John Crichton's home sweet home. You live on a ship, a living ship named Moya, along with Ka D'Argo and Aeryn Sun and that little slug..."

"That's Dominar Rygel XVI to you, scum," came a low voice as a small figure appeared out of the fog. It was a puppet of a slug, sitting on a chair hover a few feet off the ground, except that Ididn't see any puppeteer. "Chiana, we can't stand here dilly-dallying with these moronic locals. We need to find the others, and get off this forsaken rock." He turned and began to move away, with the woman in tow.

"But Rygel, he said this was Earth, Crichton's home. He knew all about us..."

"You silly girl, you can't believe everything that strangers tell you. He could be mad as Stark..." They continued, and soon vanished into the fog.

I went back into the bar, grabbed a bottle of bourbon out of my private stash, and poured myself a double.