I finally ended up on the phone with someone in Florida, and it turns out this is the same old pain in the ass -- not the people opening up the cards in my name, but a separate thing on the Macy's card that never got cleared up, because apparently they never got some letter back from me that I'm sure I sent, but then they sent the letter saying that to my address from 8 years ago. ISTG.

Now I'm hold again while she tries to transfer me to someone in Ohio.

Okay, talking about show dogs reminded me of a bumper sticker-related grammar riff my brother and I went on, which caused everyone else in the room to edge away slowly.

See, we were driving somewhere, and we were behind a car with a bumper sticker that read (without any punctuation marks whatsoever): SHOW DOGS DO NOT TAILGATE.

So, we pondered this, and the many meanings the bumper sticker could have, given punctuation.

Show dogs; do not tailgate.

This could have 2 meanings, depending on context. The first is the (I assume) intended meaning, which is "Hey, there are show dogs in this car, so do not tailgate us, because if there is an accident and you rear-end us you could hurt the dogs and then I would have to beat you to a pulp."

But the second could be a command (or suggestion) to someone who tailgates a lot, offering them an alternate activity that they might like to do instead of tailgating. "Hey Jimmy, you should show dogs, instead of tailgating so much."

Show dogs do not tailgate.

This could just be a statement about the driving habits of the show dogs -- they don't tailgate. Which I for one applaud.

Show dogs, do not tailgate!

This could be a command to the show dogs, who are lousy drivers (what with the lack of opposable thumbs), and tailgate all the damn time.

Show, dogs; do not tailgate.

This could be a cryptic command to the dogs, as an alternate activity to tailgating. "Hey, dogs -- you really shouldn't tailgate, so why don't you show, instead?" But we may never know *what* they're supposed to show.

Show dogs: do not tailgate.

Yes, it's a clunky construction, but since the original bumper sticker had no punctuation, that means dorks like me run wild with the possibilities. This one could be a command to someone that they need to demonstrate to the dogs that they (the dogs) should not tailgate.

As you can see, the possibilities are endless.

Well, not *endless.* But numerous.

t edit Can you EVEN believe someone is willing to date me? (Yeah, *I* frequently can't believe it, either.)

I would have read that as discussing the good driving habits of show dogs.

Or I'd take it as a weird double entendre. Like tailgating is code for dog shoving his nose in the butt of another dog. So, "Show dogs don't tailgate."

This could just be a statement about the driving habits of the show dogs -- they don't tailgate. Which I for one applaud.

Yeah, this is definitely the one I'd pick -- Show dogs don't tailgate, and neither should you.

I'm the simplistic sort. They are saying that show dogs do not tailgate.

I'm aided in this interpretation by the surety that they do not, in fact, tailgate.

Hey! That guy in last week's OC is played by the guy from Veronica Mars.

if you are sticking your finger regularly in your pet's cooter, I don't want to know about it

Damn, Nutty, a girl tries to catch up here eating lunch ends up snarfing lentil soup through her sinuses. Ow!

I dunno, I thought some of the dogs on Puppy Bowl III were definitely tailgaiting.

Well, I have never seen a show dog tailgating, either behind the wheel or in the ring. So I have no opposition to the sticker.

And sumi, I think the lunge line thing is how the Biscuit's trainer does it. But we just haven't summoned up the cash or done it ourselves. We really, really need to, though. For safety.

Can you EVEN believe someone is willing to date me?

I dunno, that exchange made me want you a little bit. Mmm, brains. That's hot.