That was sort of alarmingly fast.

It was an accident, I swear!

1) How many days do you think it would take to get a feel for the area? Could we just sort of drive around for a couple of days?

A couple of days sounds like a good plan - as long as you allow for some kind of Buffista time, of course.

2) What neighborhoods are scary and to be avoided, both in terms of hotels and potential home-buying areas?

This is the part where I bite my tongue really hard to make myself not say "Raleigh", isn't it?

For the kind of looking-around trip you're talking about, I'd suggest getting a hotel near the airport. Nothing around there will be at all scary, although it's all pretty much business-travel stuff and not much you'd call a neighborhood. More to the point, though, it's very centrally located for that kind of exploring.

As for neighborhoods to live in, it depends a lot on what you're looking for, and what you'd describe as scary. Can you say more?

(And if it really does make sense for you to live in Raleigh, I can ask a few friends with non-Stepford taste who have househunted there recently -- I don't know neighborhoods over there at all, but I would so do this thing for you.)

As for neighborhoods to live in, it depends a lot on what you're looking for, and what you'd describe as scary. Can you say more?

Crime is bad. I'm sure you're shocked. Less Stepford-ish is good, I suppose. I mean, we're living in a townhouse right now, so we're used to dealing with a homeowner's association. But more "please don't create a health hazard" and less "you must keep your grass at a regulation two-and-three-quarter inches."

And I can't say we have to live in Raleigh. I'm just going by my impression of what jobs are available for me (sort of equally split between Raleigh and RTP), and what's available for my husband, who would have the higher-paying job with the benefits. I've spent the past six or seven years with a good-sized commute, and I'd like to at least consider not doing that again.

My neighbors (in an urban, walkable neighborhood with 1920s era houses that is fairly expensive (houses start at 200k for 1200 sq ft) but suffers from a fair amount of petty crime and has poor people living within a couple of blocks - what I consider a good neighborhood, but what some people would never consider living in) worked with a reator in Raleigh before they bought here. I could get a name if you want - a realtor who understands what you want & is on your wavelength can really help a lot.

Also, for commuting, mr. flea drives to Raleigh regularly - it's about 30 minutes from Durham. Durham to RTP is about 15, depending on where. You go against traffic if you live in Durham and commute to Raleigh or RTP, so it's faster. People here think 30 minutes is a really long commute, which amuses the hell out of this northeasterner.

Dana--are you thinking of moving there in specific, or are you weighing other options?

We've considered and discarded several options, but I'm happy to listen if you have a case to make for somewhere.

(in an urban, walkable neighborhood with 1920s era houses that is fairly expensive (houses start at 200k for 1200 sq ft) but suffers from a fair amount of petty crime and has poor people living within a couple of blocks - what I consider a good neighborhood, but what some people would never consider living in)

flea lives in an awesome nabe, as I count these things.

Also, she says way better than I what I was flailing at with the "what's scary" probe -- in Durham in particular, a neighborhood may be half a dozen blocks in each direction, and some great ones can be right next to the ones that some realtors will drive the long way around so you never set eyes on them. It's hard to say anything like "avoid the south (or whatever) side of town" in a fine-grained place like this, and so there's a tendency to point new folk toward some of the duller suburbs. Especially in a place with a history of the kind of codespeak that says "scary" = "near blacks and Mexicans" -- which I know you're familiar with.

A good realtor is essential, wherever you end up. The guy I used is most familiar with Durham, but he rocks and I'd be happy to give you his name; finding a place that's a good match for you (and not just any old sale) is a big priority for him.

I'm happy to listen if you have a case to make for somewhere.

Well, I don't think I could convince you to come to LA, and I'd gag on my own tongue before trying to sell MI to anyone. I was just being a nosy spectator.

a neighborhood may be half a dozen blocks in each direction, and some great ones can be right next to the ones that some realtors will drive the long way around so you never set eyes on them.

Yeah, it sounds like New Orleans.

Michigan -- too cold. LA -- too expensive. Between the two of us, we have a slightly ridiculous list of criteria.