Stand right, walk left, dammit!

This. So very this. Though I'm not going to blame the standers if whoever made the escalator only made it a single-wide.

I haven't been commuting anywhere for a while, so my Metro rage has faded, but yeah...barging into the car or standing right. in. front. of. the freaking door as if the out-coming folks can simply pass through your spectralness? Oh, that bugs.

To be honest though, the worst offenders are often NOT tourons. The new culture of cellphone invisibility cloaks is making the train way less pleasant what with the 'you did WHAT? and no you DIDN'T and can you pick up x and Where ARE YOU?!' conversations.

Confession time. As much as I am fairly zen about the out-o-towners, I have put together a list of the various fines the non-thinkers are frequently eligible for...and I use it in a sometimes mean spirited way. My favorite is when the visiting family brings their tot on wheels into the train car, slobbering one of those red white and blue rocket pops all over the place. I sidle up all conspiritorial and say, "That's a $50 fine you know. The sign says no food...that means you." The panic is a bit too fun to watch, I'm afraid to say. Where can they put it, they ask? "You notice there aren't any trash cans in here right? That's because you aren't supposed to bring anything in. I'm sure the station master will have something to say at the next stop.' One poor grandmother actually stuck a popsicle in her handbag to hide it. I tried to feel bad.

I'm all for keeping the kid from screaming. Anything to keep the kid from screaming.

Or people who stand at the bottom (or top) of the escalator, trying to get their bearings. We get to push those people down and trample them, right? That's the law, right?

Sighhh... I fear I am guilty of this. I have major escalator fear when going down and do tend to pause. BUT I MAKE A POINT OF APOLOGIZING IF I GET SOMEONE STUCK BEHIND ME, TOURISTS!!!!!

THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU!!!!!

I'm all for keeping the kid from screaming. Anything to keep the kid from screaming.

At my MiL's house Owen started asking for his usual apple juice. And by asking, I mean screaming repeatedly when I explained to him that Nana didn't have any. He continued crying for it as we sat down to dinner. Bless my SiL, since she grabbed her purse, ran out the door and reappeared 10 minutes later with a bottle of apple juice.

I try to respect "no food or drink" rules but when it comes down to my kids, I'm going to pay any freakin' fine they want to throw at me if Owen wants some fruit juice or cheeze its.

I have absolutely given Emeline food on the subway out here if she's cranky or fractious. And out here, it's a $120 fine and you get ejected from the train.

But as Allyson said, anything to keep the kid from screaming.

when it comes down to my kids, I'm going to pay any freakin' fine they want to throw at me if Owen wants some fruit juice or cheeze its.

Can't be said enough.

This NYE = staying home and going to bed early. Hopefully watching the full parades for the first time in years.

Last time I had fun.

I've had fun several years since Imoved back to NY - 1998 swing party at Ratner's Deli, 2000 in Times Square, 2001 at the Waldorf was more fun as an idea than in execution, low-key parties at my place and at a friend's in 2002 and 2003 (maybe 2004), and last year was fun.

I tend to not have fun anymore if too many people are really getting drunk where I am. Odd, I know, but it helps for me to know it and plan accordingly.

I've been shoulder-checking people who are in my way for awhile now...sometimes even if I can move out of the way. Bob says "you are about a year and a half away from yelling at strangers on the street." Which is probably true.

Oh dog, speaking of strollers. One of the scariest moments in my life (building on an escalator fear) was the day a tourist family put their stroller on a busy escalator at Dupont Circle. It was pretty crowded and I was right behind them. I'm not sure how it happened, but the stroller got locked sideways at the top of the escalator and the rest of us just kept coming...like those chocolates on the conveyor belt in the Lucy episode...and NOT in a fun way. I ran into the mom, through no velocity of my own and got so panicked that I experienced one of those superhuman strength moments and yanked the stroller vertically with one arm. It made this jerky, up and over motion and landed on the other side of the handrail. I ended up falling on the mom and then hopping over the other kid and bouncing off the dad before jumping free. Thank the powers, the baby wasn't hurt but LORD, I was so scared as the rest of the riders came tripping off the stairs, all I could do was shout JEEEsus KEERist. Not even sure where that came from. So incredibly scary. I didn't stop shaking for a while. Now? I see a stroller? I go another way.

You're lucky she didn't start yelling at you.