I wish there were words that could explain how it was so obviously *you* when it wasn't the Nilly I know at all.

It's odd. But sometimes in dreams you just know things. Or at least I do.

Last night I dreamt that I drove all day in my parents' old Fairmont station wagon. There were some people riding with me. A woman who was riding in the "way-back" got really dehydrated, and died shortly after we got to our destination. I felt really bad - that I should have been more alert to the signs of her dehydration. Then as I started to wake up I realized that if she was dehydrated she would have said so, so then I felt better.

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it is interesting even at the strangest, or even the most boring, of times to see where your brain goes.

Exactly. I would really like to see what my brain is doing when I'm not there, you know? Even if it's only boring stuff, at least I'd know.

I don't feel worthy of the people I have in parts of my life

See, the real me now rebels against that sentence. Not angry or anything, but still, rebels against it. I don't think it's a question of "worth" or "deserve" or the opposite of that. I think it's a matter of grace and love, the people around us.

tommy, is it relly really late night for you, or already really really early morning?

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Exactly. I would really like to see what my brain is doing when I'm not there, you know? Even if it's only boring stuff, at least I'd know.

This is why I feel quite shortchanged when I don't remember my dreams. I mean, my brain must have been doing something and I would at least like some notes to look over when I wake up.

See, the real me now rebels against that sentence. Not angry or anything, but still, rebels against it. I don't think it's a question of "worth" or "deserve" or the opposite of that. I think it's a matter of grace and love, the people around us.

I agree in part. Or, at least, I agree but can't figure out how to really live it.

I accept and appreciate that I know people of whom I might feel unworthy of if I tried to chart life out in math terms or specific qualities. And in waking life that is just one of those things because I know a lot of people and we can't all equal out in the exact same way. I just hope it all balances somewhat.

But in my subconscious, and then in my dreams, I sometimes feel a fraud for the people that I know and the things that I think. And then it is all about "worth" and "deserving," which are the same bits that get convoluted.

Or maybe I ate too soon before going to bed.

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tommy, is it relly really late night for you, or already really really early morning?

It was the middle of the night; now it's the morning. (I just woke up in the middle of the night and had my laptop next to me, so I decided to see what was going on in buffistaland....)

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My husband had a nightmare last night that involved Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, a camping trip, and paranormal activity. And somehow it was the paranormal activity that terrified him!

ION, I have the World's Best Baby. Slept in his crib last night and was an angel. I could hear him slurping away on his fingers, awake, but chill and not crying.

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Some wacky physicists are going to try to send a photon back in time.

WHAT IF THE PHOTON KILLS ITS GRANDFATHER? THEN WHAT?!?

[link]

If his experiment with splitting photons actually works, says University of Washington physicist John Cramer, the next step will be to test for quantum "retrocausality."

That's science talk for saying he hopes to find evidence of a photon going backward in time.

"It doesn't seem like it should work, but on the other hand, I can't see what would prevent it from working," Cramer said. "If it does work, you could receive the signal 50 microseconds before you send it."

Uh, huh ... what? Wait a minute. What is that supposed to mean?

Roughly put, Cramer is talking about the subatomic equivalent of arriving at the train station before you've left home, of winning the lottery before you've bought the ticket, of graduating from high school before you've been born -- or something like that.

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John Cramer is SF writer/editor Kathryn Cramer's father, and wrote a really good SF YA novel a while back. I've heard him talk about physics and the possibility of time travel (though you'd need to harness at least a small black hole to do it). Sounds like he's found a work-around....

In other news, I've been watching Prehistoric Park from Animal Planet, where real-life-famed-biologist Nigel Marven goes back in time to rescue endangered animals.

The saber-toothed cat cubs are adorable.

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I like the wierd dreams where celebrities show up. Last night I played host to a paralyzed Rosie O'Donnell. Verra strange. Especially since my ex-husband was in it, too, and I was chasing him around to the beach to try and haul him back home by his collar. Or the waistband of his swimsuit or something. Oh, and I was driving a hybrid car around to do it. Since I saw a lot of those Toyota hybrids this morning on my way to work, it must be that my dreams are coming to me from the future. All those photons.

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A few months ago, I had a dream that Brigitte Neilsen was trying to kill me. It was very disturbing.

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The eyetwitch left my right eye. It is now residing in the left. I think it is denial I'm leaving town in 4 days.

Rain is stupid.

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