The thing about considering the future is probably the most important aspect of this to consider. Are you ok with the way things are, if he never changes his behavior and patterns? Because you can't expect that to happen. You have no control over it (although he likes to tell you that you do- also a big thing in my previous relationship).

This is so the thing. I know that I can't expect anything other than how I respond to get much different. I know he has tried. A lot. No question there. But it seems like 'changing' equals doing what he thinks I want for some period of time until he forgets. It doesn't come naturally, it would appear, and therefore doesn't seem to be sustainable.

My sticking points are letting go of the good stuff...which is wonderful but 'surface'. Not a lot of emotional stability.

I was completely alone for the 3 years before him, so I'm not afraid of that. And my very worst days with him have been better than a lot of my past relationships bests...so at least I'm crawling up the evolutionary ladder.

eta: Sadly. Very sadly, the answer is no. It's not good enough as it stands to sutain me in the long term. Ugh. I'm so so sorry that this statement is true.

Beej, do not be sorry unless that statement is true *and* you do not give at least as much value to what you need in the relationship as you do to what he needs.

My sticking points are letting go of the good stuff...which is wonderful but 'surface'. Not a lot of emotional stability or ability to just rely on consistency.

Yeah. I made a list. Good stuff v. bad stuff. You look at the quantity and qualities of the two sides, it helps.

Also, I am convinced that if I hadn't had the relationship with C., then I wouldn't have been ready to be with Tom. So, you take the good stuff and move on to the next great thing (which may or may not be another relationship). Leaving the relationship in no way invalidates the good stuff, it just means you don't have that stuff anymore (ETA: from him) (which I know sounds totally DUH and obvious, but it was a weird thing in my own brain at the time.)

So, you take the good stuff and move on to the next great thing (which may or may not be another relationship).

I feel the need to plaster this on my wall at home.

Leaving the relationship in no way invalidates the good stuff, it just means you don't have that stuff anymore (which I know sounds totally DUH and obvious, but it was a weird thing in my own brain at the time.)

That makes total sense to me.

I have a book that I use in my work titled "Too good to leave, too bad to stay," that a lot of my clients have found really useful. The only problem is, it highlights stuff like emotional abuse, neglect, battery...you know, the extreme 'run!' stuff. It does not cover how to deal with a basically good man who just isn't emotionally or relationship savvy.

Ok, I know I'd said I'd be grey today while training. But that means I have a body to train. Said body was supposed to be here at 7am. But no. Both the trainee and my supervisor are still at the hotel. Apparently there are shower issues plus they need to stop at a store for girlie supplies. Who travels without an extra tampon, JUST IN CASE? Geeeesh.

Grumble. Not a good start. No clue when they are actually going to make it in here. Snarl.

It's just plain fucking hard to break up with someone who you do care about, and who cares about you, and WILL NOT UNDERSTAND why you're doing it.

For me, it was horrible. Then, the best thing in the world.

Nora is wise.

Poor Suzi.

Nora is wise.

Seconded.

I missed Lilty!!!! Damn.

{{{Beej}}}

By the way, Beej, have I ever told you how confusing I find it that you're a girl? I call my brother "Beej" (and I'm the ONLY one allowed to call him that), which, really, shouldn't make it such a "boy" name in my head. But, I still get confused. Silly me.

Good luck, ChiKat!

Suzi, Ima gonna come bop them on the head for you.

I'M HOME! I love my family, but I've basically been with part of them non-stop since December 21. That's too much family when you've gotten used to living alone!