{{{{Daisy}}}} I'm so sorry, sweetie.

announced to my grandmother he was moving down to Toledo Bend and she was welcome to come

I like this. Peace be with you, grandpa and all.

Oh Daisy, what a blessing to have had such a grand daddy...and what a loss. I'm wishing peace for all of you.

This involves me vetting his emails in tense situations before he sends them and also having long conversations about motivations and outcomes. And I mean LONG.

Robin, that kind of partnership is exactly what I seek. And, I'm telling myself that I'm clear about what that means for me. Your post has me thinking that I need to rethink it.

I truly understand that give and take of partnership. It's about complimenting and supporting. Not always pretty or perfect, but at least clear.

The problem I'm having with Fela is that he supports me in what interests him. He celebrates in ways that work for him. He needs to feel like he is responsible for my happiness (the aforementioned, what I think is weird credit-seeking). And yet, he doesn't seem to be able to take in or retain what I tell him I need.

I am, if not constantly, then pretty damn regularly 'helping' him to see himself in different ways. When he supports me, it's like getting orders from on high. "What you need to do is...or what you are thinking is..." all from his own perspective. Which is where the disconnection from his environment seems to be fitting into the Aspie possibility.

At first I thought it was rank selfishness, but now I truly don't think that is the case.

Sadly, recognizing it and being okay with is are worlds apart for me at the moment.

{{{DJ}}} I love your childhood stories -- you have been so fortunate to have him in your life, but oh, what a hole he will leave behind.

Beej, I'm sorry things are so doubtful and such a struggle right now. Vibing you care and wisdom.

Whoo. Been around the block with Matilda, who had a spectacular day full of smiles and eager engagement with the world and then spent a few minutes too long on the playmat and got overstimulated and stressed-out. Post-walk, she's nursing and starting to relax again. I'd commit a felony for a cup of coffee, but I'm afraid to move.

Catching up: Katefate! Yay!

Not many people knew why I withdrew - depression robbed me of my words. Even answering a simple email was intimidating

I know this one. There are people who used to be friends, but now I feel stupid saying, "I'm sorry you haven't heard from me in a year, but communicating just seemed too hard."

I'm sorry, DJ. It sounds like your grandfather had a good life and left you with wonderful memories.

My stay at my mother's was notably free of drama. I discovered, however, that the opposite of drama is boredom.

Thanks JZ I truly value the good thoughts. And right back atcha with the support vibes.

My friends with the toddler I watched being born are struggling with a sweet little guy who is adorable in so many ways but seems best able to communicate through screaming. Even though they've taught him signs he can use to get his needs met until words become more readily available to him. I honestly don't know where the strength comes from! Bless every single parent among you.

eta: Um. I meant to say, bless you parents, every one. In that Tiny Tim way...not in the non-partnered parent sense.

I DON'T WANT TO SEND FAXES TO BAHRAIN, I WANT TO GO THE FUCK HOME!!!!!!

Come mister tallyman, tally Trudy's faxes. Nighttime come and she wanna go home.

{{{{{Daisy}}}}}

I'm glad your grandfather had a good, full life and that you have good memories, but it's never easy, especially this near the holidays.

Oh Daisy, its so hard to lose them at Christmastime. We lost my Grandmother ten years ago last week. For the first few years it made the holiday very hard -- but now, I swear, Christmas brings her back to me.