Spike's Bitches 33: Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
There's picture of you and me at SFF2F that makes me smile; something about too much candy.
Yes, that's a very good picture.
See, I was thinking of all y'all, even when I couldn't communicate with anyone but the shrink. I'm feeling much better now.
I'm so glad! It's no fun feeling icky.
Brenda! Congrats on leaving the soul-sucking job! Are you still downtown? What became of your minion? I know you were concerned about his fate.
Depression really, really sucks. There was a dark period when the only question I was pursuing in therapy was "What's the point?" Then the I met up with an old dear cyberfriend, and the lightbulb flashed on! For me, the connection is the point. And I had gradually been cut off from people who are important to me - some out of my control, some I did to myself. Only a few months ago I believed that all the good things I would ever experience had already happened. It didn't make any sense to me, yet that's exactly how I felt. Hoo-wee was I wrong.
I wish I could slice this feeling up and share it around with everyone.
Cindy, my comment was inspired by one simple line in PC's lj that he linked to upthread.
Yes. I read it right after I posted. I was hoping for some secret Pam we'd known nothing about although I understand the love of the Pam he meant.
I wish I'd gotten more sleep last night. But it sure was fun hanging out here. I gave up way too much to depression, not least Buffistas.
It's such a thief, isn't it? I'm so glad you're feeling well enough to post with us! I didn't realize that's why you were gone. I just figured you found new internet friends and didn't love us no more.
I had a series of battles with my anxiety/agoraphobia yesterday, but I pretty much won them all, I think. I'm going to put it in my lj, in a few minutes.
katefate! It's so good to see you here!
Greetings, all. I'm still in the post-holiday daze, surrounded by the kids' new toys and the remnants of Christmas cookies. It's back to work (writing) today for me, but at least I can do it in my jammies if I please.
A few minutes. An hour. Whatever. Cindy 3 -- Anxiety 0 [link]
Amy, you know how the expectation used to be that women wear a lot of restrictive clothing, whether or not they wanted to, and that they'd never wear trousers in public? You know how that relaxed, to the point where there are even trouser-options in women's formal-wear? You know how women can wear jeans, and even sweats, to any number of public places, now?
I think we need to start a movement to relax the standard once again, such that jammies become acceptable public attire. Wanna start a movement?
Bah, just got word that my grandmother was in the hospital since Saturday with a heart problem. She is OK now, though, it seems, and will be released today.
I feel a bit flail-y and proto-sick. Am at work but I think I'll be leaving soon and be sick tomorrow too.
I think it's already begun, Cin, at least with teens. I see girls all the time at the mall in pajama pants. And sometimes slippers.
Comfy as they are, they're not the most flattering things, you know? With the big stretched out knees and all? Also, being in my jammies reduces me to a state of not wanting to go outside at all, if I can help it.
Go, Cindy!!!
{{{Nora}}} I'm sorry. Much ~ma to your grandmother.
I was woken up at 8:30 by a phone call (TCG's friends haven't caught on the the fact that calling me in the morning whether I am awake or not is never a good idea), but I decided that at least maybe I could be productive. So far, I am still in my pj's drinking tea.
Aimée's still there.
HEY!
KATE!!
t tacklehug
Nora, do it. Go home and be you.
Hi, Amy and Aimee!
Aww, Cindy! "Who's a little fear demon?" I do that one all the time now, and it really works! They are so small and pathetic when they are conjured out into the open.
I know that urge to bolt. Hell I know the paralysis that keeps me at home, and inside and safe from the urge to bolt, and how many fun and interesting experiences have I missed because of them?
Good on you for toughing your way through it. (Is it appropriate to comment here? Should I do it offline? I feel like I'm relearning how to live in polite society.)
Before, when I didn't know the answer to "What's the point?" my quote was Natalie Wood from
Miracle on 34th Street:
"I believe... I believe... It's silly, but I believe." Because little demons made me not believe there was a point, but I still did, somehow, sometimes.
Not many people knew why I withdrew - depression robbed me of my words. Even answering a simple email was intimidating - all that blank white space and no words to fill them, even to say "I'll meet you at 7:00 on Saturday." I was ashamed of it, quite frankly. When I got my words back, I filled pages and pages. I've lost a lot of my old style; it may or may not come back. What I write feels honest, though, and the words are there; sometimes struggling mightily to come out. I'll take it.