Could a removable liner for a crock pot do in a pinch? Does the shape matter? Or just the oven-safe part?

I don't know what that is, but I imagine the answers are yes, no, and yes. But that's just a guess.

I am extraordinarily tired for good reason -- stayed up too late, woke up too early.

Right. Shape doesn't matter; it's a vaguely round loaf that may or may not touch the sides of the pot at all.

One of these days I'm going to break down and buy Le Crueset, but so far I've been put off by the thought of carrying it home.

eBay, hon. There are a bunch of resellers in Francophone Canada who sell them at about half the price you'll find in, say, Williams-Sonoma. Including the international shipping.

Cash, if your DH can't be persuaded to brine, buy a kosher turkey instead of a self-basting one. The koshering process is basically a dry brine, and yields very similar results. (The main difference being that you can't control the level of seasoning the way you can with your own brine, but it is a lot less work.)

eBay, hon. There are a bunch of resellers in Francophone Canada who sell them at about half the price you'll find in, say, Williams-Sonoma. Including the international shipping.

Huh. There's still the schlepping problem (either I get it delivered to work, or have to pick it up at the inconvenient post office), but huh.

Cash, if your DH can't be persuaded to brine, buy a kosher turkey instead of a self-basting one. The koshering process is basically a dry brine, and yields very similar results.

He's just freaked by the thought of the work because he's never heard of brining. To be fair, I hadn't either, but I watch Good Eats and I have faith in the science of cooking. It doesn't sound like a lot of extra work to me. But I always helped my mother get up at four a.m. and start cooking Thanksgiving dinner when I was a kid so I'm less stressed by the thought.

We even have an extra fridge so space isn't a problem for the brining container or anything.

I'm determined to convert DH to the process.

Does Alton Brown do interventions?

If so, someone please send him to my tiny tiny kitchen. Or, you know, my bed.

If you're doing the turkey, just do it how you want and let him be convinced by the taste.

I was also a "up early to help Mom with the food" girl. This year we may be going out to eat, heaven help us.

In that case, may I also recommend the CI-endorsed method of also letting the turkey air-dry (uncovered) in the fridge for 24 hours after brining? The moisture and seasoning are still locked into the meat, but the skin ends up bone-dry and gets amazingly crisp.

(I also highly recommend butterflying the turkey so that the thighs and the breast are the same distance from the heating element, but so far I've only been able to convert people to this method if I cook the turkey myself. But it really really works! And it saves time!)

I'm prepared to relax my not-eating-meat-that-reminds-me-of-living-animals guideline for brined roast turkey, so long as someone else does the carving.

butterflying chickens works wonderfully. I assume it would be the same for turkeys.

oh man. we need to get stuff together for thanksgiving. That's next week, right?

YES IT IS!!!

I need to get fred steak.