The Bible Adventures description almost made tea come out of my nose.

In Noah's Ark, you play the part of Noah hunting down and subduing unwilling animals, usually by smashing a vegetable over their head. If you're familiar with the story, God needs you to collect two of each so that you can repopulate the animal kingdom after He DROWNS EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE EARTH. The problem you run into is that some of the animals hide. Clearly, the beasts have the devil in them, and after an hour of trying to find where Satan hid my boat's second pony, I gave up. Either God gives me a god damn pony detector or He's just going to have to make some more ponies after he's done killing everybody. Lazy fuck.

In Baby Moses, your job is to carry Baby Moses through the desert. I'm not much of a Bible reader, so I don't know what this story's about. All I know is that every single spider in that fucking desert wants to kill Baby Moses. You can throw the baby at them, but neither he or the spiders get hurt. Baby Moses just bounces a few times and smiles. And it doesn't take more than a couple minutes for the game to degenerate into me throwing Baby Moses into a river, watching him sink, then pretending it was an accident.

This might surprise you if you know anything about babies, but there's no consequence for drowning Baby Moses. You can go back to the beginning of the level and get a new baby any time you want. Your only mission is to get him to the end of the level, but if you beat it without him your only reprimand is, "GOOD WORK! BUT YOU FORGOT BABY MOSES!" That's it. No one screams, "Not only did you fail, you killed Moses 94 times! What's the matter with you!?" So even if you kill Baby Moses, you still feel pretty good about yourself. And I'd like to think that's exactly how Baby Moses would want it while he was sitting on the bottom of the river getting eaten by spiders?

30 Rock is moving to Thursdays, opposite GA.

Make that opposite GA, Supernatural, and CSI. Good thing I didn't bother to pick this one up.

The Bible Adventures description almost made tea come out of my nose.

My boss is sitting near me - it was a huge struggle to read that and not laugh outloud....

Yeah, sadly, that's not news. Edit: Hey! I meant the deleted post, not the difficulty in not laughing when confronted with the Noah's Ark videogame description.

via chicagoist, little boy gets stuck by a hypodermic needle on the el:

For every horror story we soaked up as a child, we always find some real-life one that breaks our heart and terrifies us even more. For instance, a kid stuck his finger with a hypodermic needle on the Blue Line this past weekend. We can't think of many things that would be worse than looking over to your toddler and seeing blood coming from his finger, with a hypodermic needle on the ledge beside him.

We can't think of many things that would be worse than looking over to your toddler and seeing blood coming from his finger...

Oh, like for instance, looking over and finding that he's been decapitated? Or is half-eaten by a bear?

Which is not to say that a hypodermic stab can't be BAD but I think the writer needs to get a grip.

Oh, like for instance, looking over and finding that he's been decapitated? Or is half-eaten by a bear?

Oh, there hasn't been a bear on the Blue Line in at least five years....

Yeah, sadly, that's not news. Edit: Hey! I meant the deleted post,

Heh. Sorry about that- I realized that it wasn't recent news and deleted it. I'm whimsical like that.

From that Nerve article

It's not like I'd never been to D.C. before I moved here. I went to Georgetown for college. People there would actually ask what you got on your SATs. It's the most vulgar thing in the world, and it's typical of people in D.C.: you can't relate to people as human beings; you can only find out if they can do something for you.

Yeah. Only at Georgetown would college students ask each other about their SAT scores. How vulgar! Tish.

Also news to me? Everyone in DC is in politics. I mean, if she was saying all of this stuff was only true of people on Capitol Hill, fine. But she doesn't:

Most people are in a couple in Washington. There are very few singles.