I do admit to getting a little upset when people order lots of drinks and then want to split. I rarely drink, and get a little burnt when my portion would amount to 20 bucks and I end up spending 40 for other people's margaritas.

My group generally splits dinner bills evenly, but if someone wants to do otherwise, we whip out the calculators and spend a few minutes laughing at our collective inability to do simple math even with tools. But if your group doesn't have a standing rule like last-people-at-the-table-pay, then yeah, I'd say your friends made a faux pas. Like you, though, I'd let it go unless it became a habit.

I've seen it done both ways. My friends just tend to split evenly unless there is a significant difference in what was ordered. If we were paying for someone else, we'd then tack on the fraction.

Work-people gatherings, it seems to be pretty much pay-your-own way, plus split the honoree's tab however many ways. Probably because there is less room for misunderstanding that way.

Whenever my once-a-week dinner friends had dessert, my share would be a few bucks less because I never ordered dessert in 7 years of going out, but the rest of our orders were roughly equivalent.

I do admit to getting a little upset when people order lots of drinks and then want to split. I rarely drink, and get a little burnt when my portion would amount to 20 bucks and I end up spending 40 for other people's margaritas.

Yeah, exactly. I don't want other people to underwrite my drinking.

If you are only paying for the food you ordered you can still pay an even share of the honoree's portion.

That just seems like too much fuss for me. If I'm that constrained, I just wouldn't go. Requesting the bill be split when there's no honouree--that doesn't bother me any. I don't bring it up, but I'm fine with it.

In fact, I usually ask someone else to do the math anyway.

As for bill splitting when you didn't consume much--I never consume much, either food or drink-wise. But I factor it in as a risk of doing business, and don't go if I can't assume said risk.

Either way stings.

If I suspect I'm going to be consuming much less than the people I'm with, I just ask the server for a separate check when I place my order. They may not like it, but they'll do it. Then if there's an honoree I pitch in my share.

As for bill splitting when you didn't consume much--I never consume much, either food or drink-wise. But I factor it in as a risk of doing business, and don't go if I can't assume said risk.

I don't think I'll ever be able to have this mindset. (eta: accepting it as a risk of doing business. It may be a common practice, but it is less than ideal and it's going to bug me to the point of not participating in it and being that bitch at the table.) I have to admit to muttering the sheer gall of .... when people take advantage. Extenuating circumstances I get. Pattern of behavior, nsm.

I have to admit to muttering the sheer gall of .... when people take advantage.

Are they taking deliberate advantage? Do you think they'd have a problem if you bellied up to the bar and drank the expensive stuff?

I've been extremely turned by a friend who tries to pay for my food about three times a week, whether we're having fast food or filet mignon. I'm so far in the hole I couldn't tell you if the sun was up.

Among my friends, we basically split, unless someone is in different financial circumstances than the rest. When I was in grad school, I always ended up paying less when out with non-school friends, even if I had ordered the same amount of stuff or whatever. When another friend was in grad school, she would generally eat at home and then meet us, so of course she paid less. Even then, with almost everyone I know, the "throw down what you think you'll owe, and we'll see where we're at" method works pretty well. I have seen it work not at all with other people, though -- the people who think "their share" is the menu price of their entree, say.

Not paying at all, in a group with no discussion of any other arrangement, is definitely nutso.

Are they taking deliberate advantage? Do you think they'd have a problem if you bellied up to the bar and drank the expensive stuff?

To the first, my base assumption is that you pay your own way. That is the way and the light and all that stuff in saraland. So it isn't so much advantage as...I dunno. Not fair and thoughtful. So to the second, were I to, I'd plan paying my own tab. I don't really care if they'd have a problem or not, I'd not make that assumption. Now if they then said, oh no, really, then....

I keep this totally separate as the idea of treating someone. I will never, ever, ever be able to pay for a meal when out with my parents. Ever. If someone wants to pay for my meal, fine, I'm not going to angst (unless it is weird and not about money but that's not what I'm talking about. ) Same way I'd hope a friend wouldn't angst if I wanted to buy them a meal for the hell of it.