I think having viewings of both my grandmothers helped me truly understand that they were dead early in the grieving process. Yeah, seeing them like that broke me, but I'd rather have had it happen at the funeral than waited for weeks and then had my brain process that they're gone.

I managed to talk both my parents into family-only viewings before cremation to help everyone get closure, though they've decided against public viewings. (As for me, the mortician can prop me up in costume in front of stage backgrounds and charge admission for all I care once I'm gone.)

My experience has been everything from the open casket, public viewing to doing nothing at all. Closest thing to a ceremony was waiting on the lawn (it just felt too weird to be inside with dead grandpa) as the paramedics wheeled him out of the house. With grandma, for me, there was even less, just a phone call. My parents and my aunt and her husband went up to clear out the house about a month or two later, and did a lot of drinking and laughing while they did so, so I guess that counts as a marking of passage in a way.

All told, I'm ok with the nothing, personally. There is no logic to the way my brain does or does not accept death. I saw one minutes after she died, and I still expect to see her at odd moments. Grandpa was surely dead the moment I was told, before I saw him. Grandma was gone and I hadn't seen her in a couple years. No logic.

When Alex died we had a viewing and then cremation. Because of all the chemo and steroids, he looked nothing like himself. So for me it wasn't all that helpful. I can't speak to the rest of the fam.

I didn't go to the service where his mother buried the ashes because my parents weren't invited, and I didn't want step dad alone that day. So no closure there.

What actually did it was step-dad putting some of the ashes on a great big roman candle we set off on his birthday (a tradition we continue from when Alex was alive). That's when I got hold of the finality of it.

I loathed the one viewing I've attended so viscerally that I will never attend another. I'm told there's a big difference between seeing an ordinary dead body (I've only ever seen photos) and what a gussied-up funeral corpse looks like; but the latter was enough to convince me for ever afterwards to call a dead body "it." That thing didn't deserve a personal pronoun, not from me.

In sum, bury me unsullied, standing up under the roots of a sapling, so that I may at least be useful.

OK, this is just weird....

BAGHDAD (AFP) - Iraqi Shiite residents of Baghdad's Sadr City have expressed anger on over a picture of a grinning Jesus they mistook for a Shiite holy figure that appeared in the area after a joint US-Iraqi operation.

Residents found a picture of "Buddy Jesus" from the 1999 film "Dogma" posted in the streets, accompanied by a badly photocopied pamphlet bearing a crude approximation of a US military crest and outlining a US "plan" to subjugate the neighborhood.

"That picture abuses our Imam Mahdi and his holy character, and mocks our sacred figures," said resident Abu Riyam Sunday, apparently mistaking the satirical movie still of Jesus for one of Shiite Islam's historical imams, whose images adopt a Jesus-like iconography.

The grinning, winking model of Buddy Jesus giving a thumbs-up sign appeared in the comedy film as a fictional attempt by the Catholic Church to present a kinder and more accessible image of Christianity.

"If it wasn't so serious it would be funny," said a coalition spokesman, Major Will Willhoite.

[link]

One of my great grandmothers had a suitcase with everything she wanted to buried in -- the dress, shoes, hose, and make up. Included was a detailed letter about exactly how she wanted her hair and make up done.

Every funeral I've been to has had a viewing. Mom got upset about her Dad's viewing because the funeral home had put one of his rings on the wrong hand and she felt they did that so they could fold his hands and hide his hand with only 4 1/2 fingers. I have no idea if that was the reason but she wasn't happy.

After his funeral we went back to my grandparents' house and people talked, told stories, and laughed. The kids (including me) watched The Wizard of Oz because it was on tv. One of my cousins was just so upset about how "disrespectful" we all were. I think she wanted us all to be sobbing and tearing our clohtes, but Grandpa J had been sick a very long time and it was a blessing when he finally died.

I don't think I went to the viewing of my other grandfather, I think I did but I don't think I looked at him. I was there when he died and said my good byes then.

Mom wants a cremation and a party.

I loathed the one viewing I've attended so viscerally that I will never attend another. I'm told there's a big difference between seeing an ordinary dead body (I've only ever seen photos) and what a gussied-up funeral corpse looks like; but the latter was enough to convince me for ever afterwards to call a dead body "it." That thing didn't deserve a personal pronoun, not from me.

This has been my experience. Although both my parents were cremated with memorial services only months later, my dad insisted on having a private viewing of my mom. Having seen her both at the hospital and the funeral home, I can honestly say there is no comparison whatsoever. My dad and I both agreed that whatever was there in front of us it certainly was not my mom. Living wills and instructions were drawn up shortly thereafter. Needless to say, the experience was not repeated when he died. And I certainly hope it is not for me. Plus, I find the ridiculous expense of the whole funeral thing even more absurd than American weddings.

A neighbor went with us to the mortuary to check on the grandmother before the funeral. Poor dear went apoplectic, exclaiming, "They put the wrong lipstick on her! She wouldn't be caught dead in that co..." and then burst into tears.

At 14, I thought it was sort of funny...and it struck me how easily we toss out phrases (I could just DIE. I'm going to KILL her! She wouldn't be caught DEAD in that) without thinking.

The neighbor would not be consoled until a tech came out, wiped off the wrong lipstick and applied the one supplied by the neighbor. it was so tense and so sad and seemed so unnecessary to be SO upset over such a thing. I can't imagine that, even if my grandmother's spirit was still around, that she'd have cared much.

I find the ridiculous expense of the whole funeral thing even more absurd than American weddings.

I think I understand the open casket notion, in terms of closure, but I've never felt 'better', if you will, for having seen the body.

The notion that people get more closure from an open casket was actually something promoted by the funeral industry. Not based on any psychological study.

Personally I found my mother's taxidermied body to be very freaky and alienating in the coffin. Not in the least comforting. Closure was not an issue since she was at home when she died.

What struck me at my granddad's pre-funeral open-casket viewing (the most recent one I've attended) was how many people, after wandering up to the coffin, said "He looks *great,* doesn't he?"

And I wanted to say to every one of them, "No; he looks DEAD." It didn't look like him sleeping -- there was nothing left there to animate what was in the coffin. Big difference.