Maybe I have a stick up my ass, but I think it's important to know what accepted manners are before deciding which ones I am going to ignore or change.
I think it is important, both to know the rules of etiquette and then actively decide which you are accepting and following and which you are not. Informed consent of a sort.
I hated being made to sit down and write thank you notes as a kid but I am glad now that I know about it and I think it is an oft overlooked art of just stopping and acknowledging that someone thought of you and bought or did something for you. That said? I am heading to hell on the road that those good intentions have paved at times. My procrastination wrecks havoc on my correspondence at times.
I also feel wicked cranky that in southern California it seems to be okay to RSVP to a party and then just not show up and not call.
Party foul in my book. If you say you are coming? They you really need to clearly say if you are later not coming.
What do y'all think?
Hate that, especially when it's for a special occasion.
And may I add, I have done the very thing I am bitching about (RSVPed and not shown up) because I kinda suck. Not often though.
And tell Puppycat to back off of the Kittenish food.
I've started locking Kittenish and her food in my room for about twenty minutes when she's hungry so she can eat without the pudgy thief trying to pull a fast one. If she is nibbling, then I can put the bowl on my coffee table and only let her up to eat.
And why do my cats behave better for you than for me?
Speaking of candy - has anyone seen the wax fangs (red wax lips with the white wax fangs) in any of the chain-type stores? I found them in Portland with Cass but only at the specialty candy store. I'd like to find some locally but have only found the big wax lips so far. No fangs.
My fangs bring all the boys to the Portland.
I'm here! Jimmy is running around showing off. It's so cute!
I am awful at thank you notes, but better at thank you emails.
If it's a large party that I said I'd attend, I don't worry too much about not showing up for whatever reason, but I'll apologize later. If it's a dinner party or brunch or whatever, obviously a smaller crowd, then I think it's necessary to inform the host that something has come up and I won't be able to make it.
I love the Maybe option with Evite. Very handy.
ETA: Hi sj!
And may I add, I have done the very thing I am bitching about (RSVPed and not shown up) because I kinda suck.
I have done this. I have failed to thank people for very lovely things and gestures. Basically I am Miss Manners worst nightmare at times.
JenP, Thank you very much for sending me the BSG miniseries last millennium. The backstory was very helpful in filling in bits after you got me hooked on the show. Yours, Cass
Har! You are most welcome, and you've already thanked me. Silly Cass.
I see I forgot to add to my post that I agree with Jess re: acknowledgement of something I've sent being nice, basically so I know someone got the gift or whatever, but I'm good with a post, e-mail, phone call - whatever works. I do that sometimes, too. (Like, when Katie M sent me a tape of an ep of Stargate that I missed, I e-mail thanked her. Fannish stuff and e-mail go together!)
And why do my cats behave better for you than for me?
I'm a badass.
Find your inner feline and pull a vicious hiss or growl. It's fun!
If this were the Bronze, I'd be going to the closet and getting out the skeleton...
Every Christmas, when I was little, I spent my own money to buy my grandparents and some of my aunts, uncles and cousins presents. Now my parents also got them gifts, but I just wanted to give them presents, because that's how I was.
None
of us (none of the extended family) sent thank you notes when gifts were exchanged in person (and they almost always were). Thank you notes were for sent-gifts, or sent to people with whom you weren't that close, or for special occasion gifts (showers, weddings, graduations).
One day, one of my (local) aunts was on a tear. She was at my parents house (I was probably around 10) having coffee or something. She went on about another aunt and grown cousin in the family (and my family isn't gossipy about one another). Then she went off on my mother (with me right there). Somewhere in the middle of it all, she said something about never having gotten a thank you note from me.
All year long, I would bank my $1.50 allowance (3 chores per day; 5 days a week, a dime a chore), my birthday money, and any money my grandparents gave me at Christmas, etc. Before Christmas, I would take it out, and spend it on my grandparents, aunts and uncles.
Auntie Ranty Pants had NEVER sent a thank you note to me. I was buying her $5 - $10 gifts, when I made $1.50 a week. She was buying me gifts you give a niece (a sweater, a book, or whatever, always lovely, I don't mean to imply otherwise), and driving around in her Lincoln.
Once I realized how she felt about thank you notes, and realized she, to whom they were so obviously important, had never sent one to me (which--I was a kid--said she thought what I gave her was shit), I wanted to find anything she'd ever given me and burn it on her lawn. I wished to God she'd never given me anything, because I'd never asked for anything in the first place.
I get sick-angry-resentful every time I see this topic come up, around the subject of children's gifts. I would rather have not gotten the presents at the time, and still get antsy when she gives my own children presents.
Robin's absolutely right about the etiquette issue, but if you can't give a gift in the spirit beth mentions, Stephanie, it's not a gift. It's like setting up a debt for the recipient, one he never asked for in the first place.
If you're giving the gifts to the kids because you love the kids, screw the parents. If you're giving out of an obligation and feels it obligates them as well, save yourself some money and some anger.
