Just found out DH will be heading to Rhode Island for almost a week next month.

I want to grab someone by the lapels and yell at them, "Ok. You want every child conceived born. I get that, I truly do. But Jeebus, Marina, and Jack make it easier to have the children and stay home for a decent amount of time without having to declare bankruptcy. Oh wait. We can't do even THAT anymore."

Effers.

Non-parent who's all for subsidized daycare and flextime. I'm surprised this isn't more of a battle here in Utah--highest birthrate in the country, often compared to certain 3rd world countries, babyee!--but it's not. There is lots of daycare, but I can't vouch for its quality. There's also lots of leaving the kids with family, which can be good, but the family member in question probably has two or three kids, and the mother is dropping off two or three kids. "Ideally", of course, mom is staying home with her brood.

There is also lots of part-time work, which is where many less-educated mothers end up. More-educated mothers end up in good jobs and make tough decisions.

To give the state credit--or at least the employers I've worked with--maternity leave is a big issue and is probably more generous than other places. I'm thinking that it's not as large a priority, because for the vast majority of the women here, in the base of their skull is always the little voice of "I should really be at home."

(not to denigrate any mother who would rather be at home but does a kickass job at work etc. etc.)

and the parents feel like they're running ragged, juggling bills and not seeing their kids enough and incredibly jerked over by a society that keeps cramming "Why won't you think the CHILDRUN??1!1?" down everyone's throats and doing next to nothing in the way of policy or subsidies to make anything one bit easier for those who have the CHILDRUN.

Yes, this. It's horrible how this country crams the sanctity of THE CHILDRUN down our throats but does abso-fucking-nothing to support parents. Also, nothing to support people who may think- hm, I don't have the money to even have this child for the first few months, let alone the rest of their lives, are there any alternatives?

100% in JZ's corner, and I don't have kids and may never, but there's no way you can expect society to grow and function properly if you're squeezing the life out of it. There's going to have to be some tradeoffs for increased productivity.

Just found out DH will be heading to Rhode Island for almost a week next month.

Come with him.

Lack of adequate PAID maternity (and paternity) leave in this country is criminal to me, as is affordable daycare.

Motherhood Manifesto sets out a lot of these points pretty well, and sometimes from the employers standpoint - companies that really are family-friendly retain quality employees much better than other companies. It's cheaper for the company in the long run.

And parents (and by this I mean mothers, since fathers don't seem to suffer this bias) who NEED the job to provide for their kids aren't going to be fuckups at work (if they can help it).

I took the boys to work with me until they were 2 and too active. At that time I did a lot of service work and training. I'd show up at the office that needed my services and announce that I was nursing and ask if they minded. Not a single time did anyone object. I worked in banks, law offices, medical offices. They all took it in stride. Amazing how cooperative people are when their software don't work.

You are my hero. Tell me again how old you were when you had those babies? t props chin in hands

sj, is there United Cerebral Palsy branch near you? I know you don't have CP, but a) they work with people with various disabilities and b) I know they do some employment placement with people trying to not frell their benefits.

sj, is there United Cerebral Palsy branch near you? I know you don't have CP, but a) they work with people with various disabilities and b) I know they do some employment placement with people trying to not frell their benefits.

Huh. That's interesting. I should look into that, because the Spina Bifida Association is really not helpful.

sj - I wish. I'd love to play while he works, but that is not time I can take from work, plus my mom is not up to taking care of the kids on her own. I know they are grown enough that they don't need a lot, but she doesn't know how to let them just take care of themselves.