I don’t think I’m going to be able to explain where I was coming from yesterday, but I feel that it is important to try for those I hurt.

I hope you all know me well enough to know that my intentions are NEVER to hurt people. I am devastated at how this turned out. I’m not really going to comment on anything anyone specifically said except for the comment about forgiveness vs. permission. That was never a thought in my mind. This was a very poorly thought out plan that was executed even worse.

As to what fogged me yesterday, I’m behind in school and desperately trying to get caught up. And with that in mind, I saw an opportunity, and I took a short cut. As I’ve already said, I do know better; I’m not sure why those brain parts didn’t work yesterday. I had a serious error in judgment, and I really am truly sorry for that.

When I asked the question yesterday, it was not my intention to pull people to their bad places. This is a conversation that has come up in my life at least three times in the last week with different people. It’s something that so many people can relate to, yet don’t really talk about. This was not any official kind of research. It was a little piece of analysis for a class. So, I didn’t think through everything I clearly needed to.

This was not meant to be a manipulation. This was not meant to look at my precious Bitches as lab rats. This was a serious lapse in judgment that I will have to pay the consequences for. And I am willing to do that. Actually, I was surprised to wake up to no new messages in Bureau. I was sure there would be a warning for this.

Looking back, I can see all of the places I made wrong decisions. Unfortunately, I did not catch those early enough and stop the whole process. I am truly sorry for that. I am also truly sorry for those who were hurt. That was never my intention. The Bitches have been a safe haven for me, and I hate to think that I just destroyed that for others.

I am going to ask that we move on. If you have further issues with me, please take them to e-mail. I promise I will respond and deal with them as they come in. I want to repair this. I will not be avoiding it. But, for the sake of the thread, I think we should move on.

And to reiterate, this is NOT going to be used for the project at all. I just wanted to make that very clear, as I think it was not clear in my original apology post (when I said I would “table” the project).

Lastly, I have personally e-mailed an apology to everyone that spoke up last night and this morning. But, if I have somehow missed someone—or you didn’t speak up at the time—please let me know privately, through e-mail. It is very important to me to repair this serious error in judgment and try to make amends.

vw, thank you for that heartfelt apology. We all have lapses in judgement and I, personally, have no problem with forgiveness. The fact that you have been able to address this so forthrightly just shows me that you have learned and grown from the experience. I think what shocked a lot of people was they are used to your forthrightness and it turned them ass-over-teakettle to find out you hadn't been in this instant. Well, we can all step out of character at moments and it can also bite us in the ass. Yours is going to be sore for a while. It will heal.

I just caught up in here. First, I wanted to say that I like the kind of conversation that went on in here yesterday. It reminded me of the type of conversations that used to happen in here much more often when I first joined the board and I miss that kind of open communication with everyone.

Second, I know that you were not being malicious in what you did, vw, because I know that is not the type of person you are. That being said, I think anyone that needs help with a school assignment needs to be honest upfront about that, as I know you realize. My responses yesterday were based on the presumption that you were asking the question to try to deal with an internal conflict you were having and that affected the way in which I responded.

Lastly, if you still need feedback for your school assignment, I would be happy to help you with that backchannel.

vw, I accept you apology as sincere. however, you can not use my post, because I may have worded them differently if I knew you were useing them for class.

In other news, I think if people think there is too much doom and gloom on the board , pleas pay attention to the positive. Or bring up topics that are postive.

Well, we can all step out of character at moments and it can also bite us in the ass. Yours is going to be sore for a while. It will heal.

Cass has ass lotion. I bet she'd share. t /cilantro

I am going to ask that we move on. If you have further issues with me, please take them to e-mail. I promise I will respond and deal with them as they come in. I want to repair this. I will not be avoiding it. But, for the sake of the thread, I think we should move on.

vw, as you know (or should, any second) I've already responded to your email. Sail's response (posted right after your apology, this morning) largely expresses what's on my mind. Thank you for apologizing. It's gladly accepted.

I've been churning over a response (to the incident itself, not the apology) all morning. I've been doing this in part, because (as I mentioned in my e-mail) I conflated my personal lack of interest in certain conversation topics with my only pertinent objection to the incident. I'm sorry for that.

If I decide it's even worth expressing, I may well decide to post it on the board though, because it doesn't feel like a personal issue between the two of us. As far as I'm concerned, that's settled and over. I'm just mentioning it now, because I may not be able to keep it to e-mail; that would not work as a forum for what's running through my mind.

Cindy, would maybe lj be a better forum to bring up your part of the discussion you want?

I for one, would like this taken out of here. I don't share the same feelings as most everyone, but I understand why buttons were pushed and can empathize with that.

However, as Cindy and Steph (and a couple of those who agreed with them, as I do) both pointed out, this has become a pretty damned depressing thread and I think that one step in making it not so depressing is to say, "Ok. This incident sucked out loud. Let's try to forget it." and move on to whatever it is people want to talk about to feel better or just talk.

I'm not trying to be snarky or rude r gloss over the feelings that were hurt, I'm just attempting to make things better for the thread.

On a completely different topic, my little dinner last night went very well, everyone enjoyed the food, and we had a good time. I need to learn to chill out better before though. I'm becoming my mother wrt totally freaking out before having guests to dinner.

sj, what's the cannellinni (crap, I have no idea how to spell that) dip you make? It sounds like something I'd really like.

I'm becoming my mother wrt totally freaking out before having guests to dinner.

You had mentioned that calling her was no help, right? I'm guessing this is why. It's perfectly normal for her--she might not even mind.

My mother hated food prep with a passion, but it manifested as anger after the fact. All my negative association with guests to dinner are from the scutwork she'd have us kids do rather than her approach.

Which are significant in their own right, and I haven't had anyone over to dinner in over five years.

I love dinner parties. I love the prep, I love the cooking and shopping and set-up. But then, I was a one-woman catering business for awhile so I'm probably a great big freak.