I've always been a big advocate for Good Enough parenting so I try not to get too spun by the Shoulds. I know I'm going to make mistakes, but if I err on the side of patience or kindness it usually turns out okay. Except with boundary setting where I have to force myself to be tougher than I would be normally.

I think every parent tries to find some balance between their own happiness and the sacrifices you have to make for your kids. I'm feeling a bit loserland right now because I'm not playing out the breadwinner role. But I'm juggling that Should with the knowledge that after 8 years of HR office work, I find that kind of job stressful and deadening. I need to make a career change and I've been working on that.

But the flipside is that I also know that having both parents home during the early months of a newborn makes life much less stressful.

Emmett's made it all a bit easier by basically validating the choices we've made so far. Frankly, he doesn't like doing art projects. As far as TV, I just decided at some point that (a) I watch TV because I need the entertainment and relaxation; (b) why shouldn't he get that?

Of course, he has limited TV time and it's only one part of his day that includes not only school, but doing homework, spending time with his friends in aftercare, very active in sports, playing with me when he gets home, evening reading etc.

My parenting Shoulds are mitigated when I try to think of what my hopes for Emmett are. I don't need him to become an academic superstar or a Major League basball player. I just want him to be a good person who can tend to his own happiness and bring that to others. Letting him discover and explore his strengths and giving him tools and confidence to deal with his weaknesses.

He's certainly had his stumbling blocks, but basically he is very balanced like that.

ION, Trudy and lisah are both quite attractive and should update their tapes to reflect this.

I am terrified that anyone who meets us thinks that Em is dumb and I'm a horrible mother.

HORSEPUCKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hil, if you need a ride to the doctor, give me a call.

Hil, I'm wondering if this is a regional thing or summat. I spent the day off work yesterday after puking up the proverbial guts for half the day Wednesday. Better now, but yesterday was evil with body aches and fatigue and generally wanting to die. But today is much better. Still a bit shaky and not wanting to eat much of anything but really better.

I hope you feel much better really soon.

{{{Erin}}}

Hil, I think you should at least call the doctor.

Bringing it back to the mommy thing, I have another tape that goes: "What makes me think I have any right to have children, just because I really want them? What if I can't keep up with them?..."

Hil, if you need a ride to the doctor, give me a call.

Thanks for the offer. My doctor is the student health center, which is just a few blocks away, so I'll be OK.

Hil, most stomach bugs usually pass in a day or so. If it goes on too much longer, or you think you're getting dehydrated, then call the doctor.

I just want him to be a good person who can tend to his own happiness and bring that to others. Letting him discover and explore his strengths and giving him tools and confidence to deal with his weaknesses.

This. Exactly this. That's what I want for my kids.

Joni Mitchell's Twisted:

Technically Annie Ross' Twisted, though Joni's cover is excellent. (Joni always called Lambert, Hendricks and Ross her Beatles.)

Jeez, Erin, what a fucking a week. I'm glad those kids have you in their lives though.

I think Gloomcookie would be an excellent Mom should she choose to take that route.

you don't want to be some old lady with a little kid.

Heh. I'm gonna be in my fucking sixties when Matilda is in high school.

Hec, I was secretly hoping you'd come talk about good enough parenting, which is actually something I've adapted for my own life.

As an example...at Emily's graduation party I couldn't find bowls to put the dip in. Emily finally looked at me and said, "What do you need bowls for? Put them out in the containers. That way everyone knows what's in them." I was like, "Ok. I guess that's what Hec would call 'good enough.'" I've even referenced it in therapy. That and Theodosia's "stupidity tax" are a couple of my therapist's favorite skill adaptations (although, she won't actually let me call the stupidity tax "stupidity tax." I have to call it a living life tax, or some such thing).

Hil, most stomach bugs usually pass in a day or so.

This is day three now.

Guess I ought to get dressed and get over to student health.

Uh. People put dip out in bowls?

I consider dip in the container to be flat-out "good," not "good enough."

I am so white trash.