Never ever going to a wedding in Westeros

At least not a noble one.

Poor Theon.

Right? That's some fucking acting, that is. Fantastic scene.

And the Lannisters have nothing on the Boltons in the Fucked Up Families categories.

RIGHT? I mean, fuck, man. That was a fantastic scene, all around, though. Not only re-affirming our hatred of Team Flayed Man, and showing the cracks in the house, but also providing all the exposition we need, and without any nekkid ladies. I think House Bolton are one of the few groups of characters where I have no sympathy at all. Like, I can see where most everyone else is coming from, even if I think they're idiots or awful. The Boltons just need to all be given to the Lord of Light (which is my new "Die in a Fire"). Also, dear Myranda (girl who shot the other girl), do you really think this is going to end well for you? Have you been paying attention at all?

Best. Episode. Ever.

You're just saying that because you don't like Joffrey.

To be fair, no one likes--sorry, liked Joffrey. Ding-fucking-dong. (Although, a salute to the actor, who has stated repeatedly that he's done with acting after this role)

In other reactions: Loras across-the-room-flirting with Oberyn! That's fantastic. I do love the dominoes that the change in Loras's plotline from the books have allowed to fall. His hurried exit from the wedding, though, was good (and his line to Jaime! Dude. Burn.) In fact, one of my favorite things about that sequence (and I was wondering if/how they were going to do the bit with the dwarves. I'm glad they didn't figure out a way to have them properly ride. Not least because I have an issue with the violence against domesticated animals that would have been at the end of that chain of events.) was the reaction shots because it was a whole series of "Oh, yeah, that person would be off-put because of X, while the other person in the shot is off-put because of Y." Joffrey: Offending everyone in the room, except his mother. Because that's a good plan.

I was glad we checked in on the remainders of the Baratheons. The whole dynamic of the religious fervor (Selyse's whole-hearted, fundamentalist buy-in vs. Stannis's balancing act vs. Davos's conviction that they're all fucking nutters) is fascinating, and totally complicated by the fact that the evidence they've seen is in inverse proportion to their level of belief. The scene with the princess was another nice boob-less bit of exposition (readers: is the "sacrifices cleansed of their sins and going to heaven" thing an addition, or am I forgetting it from the books?). As a side note, fuck yeah, you aren't going to beat Shireen into compliance with your crazy-assed religion. Who you do you think you are, a Bolton? It really feels like there's going to come a point where Davos will need to take Princess Shireen and run (King's Blood and all that). And I really don't know which side of that Stannis would come down on.

I'm sure a shot-by-shot breakdown of Bran's vision is going to turn up at some point (how much do I love that this is the GRRM episode this season? thiiiiiiiis much), but that was definitely a dragon's shadow over King's Landing. And were those the crypts of Winterfell? After the references to everyone's favorite equation-notated theory last week? Iiiiinteresting.

Charles Dance and Dame Diana need to have scenes together all the time. And can we get Lord Bolton in on some of those? All the gravitas. Like, I think the orbit of the Earth shifted a bit the day they filmed that (also, look! Exposition! Still no boobs!). And her son being basically useless was nicely done. That there is a matriarchy, bitches.

Right, yes, Tyrion. I wonder if (next comment is based on book knowledge) 1) the Tyrells feel the least bad that he's taking the fall for this, as well as 2) if Shae really is most sincerely gone. Anyway, a fantastic kick-off to what is sure to be several episodes of fantastic acting opportunities for Peter Dinklage. I mean, it isn't suspicious at all that Tyrion's wife has suddenly evaporated. Let's hope Bronn is some sort of loyal, or Tyrion's (continued...)

( continues...) utterly without friends.

Although, after Cersei screaming at Jaime to get away from His Fucking Son, perhaps Jaime's allegiances will be shifting. That was a fantastic bit to put in there. Cersei aggressively burned bridges this episode and didn't even realize she was doing it. In some ways, she, Joffrey, and Ramsay are quite similar: inflicting pain is their idea of fun. They just indulge to different degrees.

This last paragraph will be full of Jaime and Brienne, so feel free to skip if you don't care. So, at first, I was all, "Jaime, there's this tall (omg, you guys, did you see how tall she was next to Cersei?) blonde woman who is not half pants with a sword who would be happy to help, and honor-bound not to tell anyone." And then I realized that he was fucking embarrassed to suck in front of her, which was sweet, if misguided. And then Cersei was mean to my girl, and that is not okay, and she needs to suffer a lot for that. On the other hand: well, that was a meaningful look as Jaime was watching that conversation. Watch as Jaime breaks up with his sister (note: she actually already broke up with him, but he's sometimes kinda slow on the uptake). I want to see 20 gazillion Brienne fics immediately after that exchange, assuming that we don't get anything next episode, which I assume we won't because Dead King (as well as a good chance of [book reference] Sept Sex ). I do believe what Gwendolyn said in an interview, which was that Brienne has honestly never considered the question up till this point. Because why would she? Whether she loves Jaime is utterly irrelevant, as far as she is concerned.

Sometimes Jason really made me laugh...that's almost nostalgic, True Blood being purposely funny.

Jaime: You will never EVER marry my sister.
Loras: And neither will you. t /flounce

Awww yeah.

That was just awesomely great all around. I will miss Joffrey though. What an excellent little shit he was. The actor who plays him (Jack something?) deserves major applause for this ep. There was literally not a nanosecond wasted where he was not being the maximum amount of a dick that it is possible to be. I mean, the dead doves inside the pie.

Cersei is about to go off the deep end in a major way and it is going to be glorious.

The show isn't more than I can watch, but I think it's more than I can properly groove on. I get that they was probably the asshole transition, which is why it was so terribly nasty--you can't give us a gem like dead Joffrey without taking something away, but still--it tips it into the kind of show I probably won't stomach marathoning of.

This GoT tweet cracked me up: Twitter / Phaetonv2: LOOK HOW SAD I AM THAT JOFFREY DIED

From here: The 50 Greatest Tweets About Last Night's Game Of Thrones

Oh, yes. I have been looking forward to that for a really long time. Joffrey's death was appropriately gruesome. No weddings in Westeros...ever.

I love the Tyrells so, so much. I could watch that scene between the Queen of Thorns and Tywin about a gazillion times.

Smashing good start to the season!

The Olenna and Tywin show was excellent. Olenna in general is excellent.

I loved the expressions on everyone's face during the entertainment. Even Margaery couldn't completely hide her disgust. But she is the ultimate player -- the way she called Joffrey back to her when he was tormenting Tyrion was gorgeous. At this point, she should be queen, although I know she won't be.

I'm scared for Tyrion, though. In a logical world (aka one not run by Lannisters) it would be pretty clear that he didn't poison that cup of wine -- unless he poisoned it pre-dinner and left it there knowing somehow that Joffrey would demand Tyrion as his cupbearer, which seems like a stretch.

Also loved "the dwarf, the cripple, and the mother of madness." Tyrion really is one of my favorites.

I think Margery technically is the Queen, since she and Joffrey were married (for a few minutes) before he died. I mean, Cersei won't see it that way, but legally speaking, Margery is Queen and Cersei is Queen Regent Emeritus.

Margaery

is EVERYTHING. Man, I want her to rule the world. She is really deft. The women in that family are very capable.