Some editing help, please? I'm stuck on this sentence:

Over that simple feast Anna would forget that she lived in the present and was English on her father’s side to boot, and imagine herself among the clan chieftains and their ladies of ancient days.

The "she lived in the present" part is bugging me, but I can't think of a better way to convey the idea that Anna, already indulging her homesickness by daydreaming of Scotland, is imagining herself not just hundreds of miles but hundreds of years away.

Or maybe I just cut the sentence entirely. It follows this:

At Dunmalcolm Castle the June days were so long that it would still be twilight at midnight. But there the sun was a friend rather than a tormenter, just warm enough that she needn’t wear a pelisse over her dress if she went for an afternoon walk around the loch below the castle. Perhaps Jamie and Will would take her with them in the boat when they went out to fish, and she would dangle her hand over the side into the lovely bracing cold of the water. When evening came Cook would fry the fresh trout to serve with bannocks.

I feel like it needs one more sentence to give closure to the daydream before I interrupt her with a screaming woman and really get the story moving, but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe I should just say something about the succulence of the fish and leave the rest out of it.

Thoughts?

Deb, that's a strong piece.

Come on in and play, Cornelius!

Susan, I'm always in favor of the succulence of fish.

Susan, there's some pretty language in there, but honestly, I think it's more than is needed. You could easily lose the thing about the sun being a friend; it really isn't needed.

Well, if I cut anything, it won't be the sun, because that's what ties back to the previous paragraph about the searing heat of the actual setting that Anna is trying to ignore.

For now, I just took the sentence that was giving me fits out completely and changed "fresh trout" to "succulent fresh trout." Which saved me enough space to get the woman's scream that pulls Anna back to reality onto Page One, which ought to help with those pesky agents, editors, and contest judges.

Susan, what about:

Over that simple feast the present day would drop away, and Anna would imagine herself among the clan chieftains and their ladies of ancient days.

I think her father being English is irrelevant, unless you need it there for a specific reason.

Opposites Drabble:

She twisted sideways on her right foot and right hand. Looking over her left shoulder she picked out the spot she wanted to put her left hand. Back bends were nothing new to her, she was on the gymnastics team. Hair dangling down to the floor, Sheila stretched her left arm out over Bobby’s left leg. Her fingertips scrabbled a little at the plastic, but eventually she got her palm down in the middle of the circle. It was a little awkward still having her left leg in the air, but she now owned opposite corners of the Twister mat.

Hee! Funny and unexpected.

Ooh, I love the Twister drabble!

Glad you liked it, erika. That's what I was going for.

I actually adapted my opposites drabble into a poem, and for the most part I feel it works much better, though the last stanza is not sitting quite right.. anyone feel like taking a peek? I have to read at a launch next week and I thought I'd test it out if it's up to snuff.