Nodding at Amy and Deb and Theo (and grabbing and running off and making love to "epiphanzee"), and also not with the ganging up, but with the go you! with the epiphany. The interesting thing? It probably won't be your last.

I do think once you get past the shakes this has given you, the writing will be different. Better. Easier in a way, because you'll have (partly) gotten out of your own way.

I have a friend who says to me, "writers write. They don't sell, they don't plan, they don't, or shouldn't have to. They should write." It's too bad that it really isn't true in today's market, because it's the only way to figure out how, you know? To do it. So, another "Yeah, you!" here. And by the way, Happy Birthday!

Sail, I love your LJ posts. Do you have fictional stories you want to tell, or do you just want to write? Because journaling and memoir certainly have a place in today's market, and I think you do that extremely well. I haven't read fiction by you, you might do that just as well. I simply mean that you don't have to write fiction to write.

Damn - I didn't see Amy's post from yesterday.

Short stories, sending, ma'am.

I simply mean that you don't have to write fiction to write.

Oh, no, I know that. I'm very good at non-fiction, at least according to all my college professors. My writing often got me better grades than the research in the paper actually deserved. But, as Susan was quick to note, college is still a small pool compared to the wide world and I don't really know that anyone would be interested in what I have to say. Which I why I pretty much write for myself. It's where I often have tremendous epiphanies through my own writing, where I'm willing to finally expose myself to those thoughts I keep buried out of fear. Starting that live journal was one of the most frightening things I've ever done. Moving into this thread was another personal challenge for me. I figured with the new year it was time to find another path to growth, since my work has me pretty frustrated in moving onward and upward. So, here I am. If I only rest here all year, I'll be happy because I've still expanded my horizons beyond where they were a year ago. As deb noted, it's all about comfort zones.

ETA: I didn't really answer your question, did I? I'd like to write fiction, I just don't know if I'm suited for it. As you said, my metier seems to in the more personal realm. That doesn't mean I can't stretch my wings a little. I think I'm ready to try, because I'm actually considering taking a creative writing class.

OK. Just got the tough love conversation from DH: "You need to lose your sense of arrogance and entitlement. If what you love to write doesn't match the market trends, you're going to have to accept the fact that it might take you a decade or more to sell even if you are really good. Accept it. Live with it."

Probably needed to hear that.

We'll be your cheering section, Sail.

(singing Paul Simon, line from BoTW: "Sail on, silver girl, sail on high, your time has come to shine....)

Susan, your DH has some sense, he does. And yes, we all need to hear that kind of thing occasionally.

Which, of course, doesn't stop me, at least, from wanting to deck the person telling me. But in the end, this stuff is all useful.

"Sail on, silver girl, sail on high, your time has come to shine...

I like that. You may have found a new nickname I can use on the interbunny.

I've been playing the "If you're so hot, why aren't you published?" waltz in my head. Well, number one, I haven't submitted anything (a short story twenty years ago to a couple of magazines, so at least I can say I've tried), that's why I'm not published.

I always feel a little plebian for bringing the fanfic world into discussions of actual publishing for money, but it occurred to me that a lot of new books get published but people don't buy them. I want to be read, I want people to go "What the hell happens next!" I get that now. I watch the number counters on my website ratchet up and say, "Look, someone wants to read what I write." I recently found a discussion group I'd never heard of where they talk about my stuff. I hadn't felt validation like that in years.

Yes, I want to be the talk of the internet, the writer to whom all other writers are compared--and found lacking. I get burning jealousy when I'm not mentioned in lists of favorite authors. I've just got to cope. Maybe figure out how to get better known.

Most of all, I've got to produce. Someone on that new board said, "She's a very good writer, but slow." That was a kick in the head. So I took a vow of productivity for the new year.

Literary fashions change. For a long time Hemingway has been held up as the model to follow. A lot of people don't like him, though, and their opinions are just as valid. And I'm a huge advocate of the folks who say, "Just tell me a really cool story, OK? Blow some stuff up, maybe throw in some sex, make me keep reading." When they get to the part that says "The End," make them go, "Damn, it's done. Wow."

Connie, that is totally why I can't give up the fanfic thing. Absolutely. I wish you lived in the same town as me so we could both have that conversation with Crush Guy. By myself, I think I blew that. Susan, I can really relate. Because my expectations for myself get screwed up sometimes, too. Because I've gotten so much praise for, you know, being special and continuing to draw breath, with the occasional quip or what-have-you, it's hard to sort out what's real, you know, am I really good, or is this an "At least she has something" thing or are people just impressed by my sentience, considering.. And I basically want to run the world. When I don't think I suck. But I tricked myself into writing this book by "making a promise to a gentleman" to get a little Spikey about it.