(I feel like I'm not explaining what I mean by excellence well at all, but right now I'm typing one-handed with a fussy squirmy demanding child on my lap, so it's probably fruitless to try just now.)

hey hey! someone tell me to write! say something inspiring! I'm staring at a page and feeling overwhelmed. Kick my ass!

Write! Allyson! Write, or people who only refer to things like the S/B A/R in the B/R on UPN will get there ahead of you.

(ijs)

Mostly, I'm non-competitive...but once that switch does get flipped, watch out. I try not to do it cause I get scary. Seriously.(And I get crushed about losing once I decide I have to win so that's another reason. )

Write, Allyson, so I can read!

Here are two painting drabbles, at the 11th hour:

Un dimanche après-midi à l'Ile de la Grande Jatte

Pictures were sized to go neatly on the wall over the fireplace or the couch. They were part of the background, like wallpaper. Then there it was. It took up a whole wall. When I walked close, it became colored blobs. As I backed up, the figures resolved. I looked at it from one side and it looked different. I tried sneaking up on it. I watched the light move across the picture. I wanted to run through the museum and see all the paintings and then find more paintings. The anonymous background prints on people's walls now annoyed me.

Personal Ad

Submissive portrait (male or female) wanted for threesome. Must be into bondage and discipline, particularly using farm implements. Love of pitchfork play particularly desirable. Should not be turned off by thinning hair or aprons. Experienced athletic type (see Degas, anonymous Indian and Japanese painters) preferred. Overalls and work boots are turn-ons. Farm animals available. Three dimensions okay, but must retain all limbs. Must live in Iowa or be willing to relocate. Cubist or pop art subjects need not apply. Willingness to do light farm chores a plus.

Apply Art Institute of Chicago, 10 to 4:30 p.m., 10 to 8 p.m. Thursdays.

I really got a lot out of reading the drabbles the last few weeks, but I just have not been able to do them myself. This week I think it's residual from last week.

And last week, well, what can I say? I guess I'm not ready to stop lying to myself yet. I did try, but it was too much, and I deleted it before it ever left RAM.

But man, some good writing here.

Am I ever gonna be able to talk about writing a book without feeling like I'm playing the grand piano?

It's about being proud that I finished a novel, but vowing that the next one will be better, and honing my craft to make it so.

And that's where we split. I've loved every book I've ever written; I have never felt any desire or impulse or anything else that would make me look at Plainsong or And Then Put Out The Light and say, why yes, this is wonderful, but I can do better. Better than what? I'm a storyteller, it's what I do, it's what makes me sit down and write. Better than what? I genuinely don't get it. Am I supposed to be competing with myself? Telling myself this one's OK, but by God, the next one...

Never happen. I wouldn't write a word if I felt that way. I write because I'm a writer. I sit down and start telling the story because there's a story, it's in me, I'm telling it, the end, just like breathing. It's what I do.

I guess I'll never understand any other way.

edit: ALLYSON! Get your bad self into that chair and write something!

Am I supposed to be competing with myself? Telling myself this one's OK, but by God, the next one...

I'm not saying that you should be, just that it's the way I am. And I don't think I'm any less a writer because of it. To me, when I love something, I want to compete at it--with myself, with others, or both. It's how I'm wired.

Oh, there's no question of judgment there, Susan - I'm literally trying to figure out what you're saying, because the concept is so completely alien to me. It's whatever works for us, any one of us. For me, striving for some ideal of perfection that I was pretty sure was unattainable would shut me down as a writer entirely.

Whereas to me that's the whole beauty of it--that there's always something more to strive for.