Thank you, Mistress Teppy. Will do so sometime this evening, since I'm heading out soon for a mass of errands and appointments.

Almost done with rewrite. Go team me.

And in your worm -> fish -> fishermen setup, the show doesn't figure into it at all, just the network.

I said, "A teevee show is just a shiny lure to get millions of people to watch commercials."

Show = hook.

Perhaps the metaphor itself is a little smarmy.

Show = hook.

Ah, see, in my mind, "lure" and "bait" are conflated. And my specific reference was to the later part of the paragraph where you do skip over the lure part.

Actually, if the audience is the worm...you put the worm on the hook. The word "lure" implies the audience is the fish, biting the hook.

Perhaps the metaphor itself is a little smarmy.

It's not smarmy, it's just not internally consistent to me.

Draft One of the new thang, "Orange County, 1906," is up here.

Okey dokey. I took out the fish metaphor. Anyone who is willing, please let me know if this is either more or less confusing.

Post, please? Or send?

Here’s a little primer for those of you wondering how the inner financial world of broadcast television works.

A network fronts an obscene amount of money to a studio full of creative-type people to produce a television show. An hour-long drama can cost about 2 million dollars to produce, which includes actors’ salaries, the dental plan for the guy who holds the boom, donuts, wardrobe…you get the picture.

Surprisingly, television executives did not get into the business as a purely altruistic endeavor to provide free entertainment to the public.

Networks make money by selling 30-60 second timeslots to advertisers. A teevee show is just succulent bait to lure unsuspecting hard-working Americans into watching commercials. The network promises the advertisers that a particular show will attract millions of viewers called a demographic. The most precious demographic is 18-40 year-old males, who supposedly have the most disposable income. So networks invest in television shows that they believe will appeal to the people who spend the most money on things like Sega games, pizza delivery, and unnecessarily large trucks. He who dies with the most toys not only wins, but also decides what the rest of us poor schmucks watch on television.

Based on the promise the network has made to the advertiser regarding the number of boys who spend money useless crap who will be watching during that time period, the advertiser shells out thousands or millions of dollars to hawk their products to the viewers. For example, a 30 second spot during the 2004 Super Bowl cost $2.25 million. This provided drug companies with a key demographic to pitch Viagra and Cialis to the largest audience of limp dicks ever assembled. The Super Bowl will never be canceled, no matter how lame I think it is.

The cost of making, marketing, and/or leasing a show from another studio must break even, or be less than the amount of money advertisers pay for their commercial minutes in order for the show to be a success and the network to have profited from their investment. If the demographic the network promised doesn’t tune into the show, the advertisers get pissed off and pull their ad dollars, feeling all disgruntled and cheated.

Now before you get all paranoid and think that the FOX network has a spycam in your house to gauge what you watch and whether you in fact have a penis and loads of disposable income, let me explain the concept of Nielsen boxes. Nielsen is a company that takes a statistical measurement of television viewers in the US and abroad. There are “hundreds of thousands of Nielsen Families” according to the Nielsen website. People with Nielsen boxes and diaries decide what the rest of us watch. Every morning, the Nielsen ratings are posted, and advertisers can check to see whether the networks have delivered the demographics they promised.

When the network isn’t delivering, television shows get canceled. Critical acclaim does not matter. It doesn’t matter if four million 20-year-olds with a lust for Sega games tuned in to a show if the network promised six million of them. Your favorite television show can get axed if four Nielsen families all get together for a game of mini-golf and shut off their sets two Fridays in a row during a “sweeps” week, when Nielsen provides the most detailed data, pretty much.

What were we talking about? Oh. Firefly.

I don't think I've explained Nielsen well enough.

Lovely, Allyson. Especially this:

and unnecessarily large trucks. He who dies with the most toys not only wins, but also decides what the rest of us poor schmucks watch on television.

Also?

Based on the promise the network has made to the advertiser regarding the number of boys who spend money [on] useless crap who will be watching during that time period,

Much better without the fishing, methinks.

Here’s a little primer for those of you wondering how the inner financial world of broadcast television works.

Yes! Introductory bridge for me to walk across. Thankee, ma'am.

An hour-long drama can cost about 2 million dollars to produce, which includes actors’ salaries, the dental plan for the guy who holds the boom, donuts, wardrobe…you get the picture.

I'm assuming this is per-ep? Might want to add that info, since this is in fact a primer.

Networks make money by selling 30-60 second timeslots to advertisers. A teevee show is just succulent bait to lure unsuspecting hard-working Americans into watching commercials. The network promises the advertisers that a particular show will attract millions of viewers called a demographic. The most precious demographic is 18-40 year-old males, who supposedly have the most disposable income. So networks invest in television shows that they believe will appeal to the people who spend the most money on things like Sega games, pizza delivery, and unnecessarily large trucks. He who dies with the most toys not only wins, but also decides what the rest of us poor schmucks watch on television.

Stone perfect clear. If I knew nothing about television at all, I would after reading that paragraph.

(and just read the rest)

Yes, indeed.