That's a good point--it's probably my impatience with the common "supposedly ordinary person really turns out to be the son/daughter of a duke, and that's where all their beauty and brains and natural nobility come from" plot device showing through. So I'm all, "My ordinary guy is as smart and sexy as can be, and he doesn't NEED to be anything other than what he is, dammit!"

Hee. Well, of course.

Susan, I'm with Bev on the description of Jack. Does it need to be nearly that detailed? I mean, surely one of the purposes of this sort of pitch is to pique the editor's or agent's curiosity.

Also, in the Lucy pitch, I really don't go for this:

Lucy thinks she loves her cousin, a brave, noble, and virtuous soldier

I'd scale all the way down to "Lucy has grown up believing herself in love with her cousin Sebastian, a soldier in (whatever regiment)" or something along those lines. The "brave noble etc" thing, really, NOT so much, especially since it's only half the story: he's really something of a prat.

I swear, the original genesis of this book was several years ago when I read one too many of that particular plot device. I've read romances where someone's parentage turns out nobler than expected that I thought worked very well--Putney's One Perfect Rose and Gaffney's Wild At Heart come to mind. It plays into the common princess fantasy, and allows an author to have her cake and eat it too by being an angsty cross-class romance for 7/8 of the story, but when the supposed commoner's true parentage is revealed, the couple can live happily ever after accepted by Society.

But then I read a book where I felt like the author was implying that the character who turned out to be noble after all couldn't have been so beautiful and full of natural graces if her parentage had really been as common as everyone thought. And that pissed me off. So I decided that some day, in some way, I was going to write a book with a non-rich commoner who's exactly what s/he appears to be.

Jack has been toned down a bit according to Beverly's suggestions, and Sebastian is now just "a handsome cavalry officer."

Victor, there were some errors in your piece. Do you want me to post them or e-mail them to you or just tell you that I think it's very good (which I do) and leave it at that?

Thanks, Deena. Don't bother with the typos--I know about them and the guy who runs Gotpoetry is on his honeymoon, so I can't do a dang thing about them.

Soldier’s Lady is a story of star-crossed love where the right people from the wrong backgrounds meet under the wrong circumstances at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I love this, Susan.

Susan, I like the pitches very much, and I agree that it was probably best to make the suggested changes. I love the "meet in the middle" theme for Jack and Anna. I was thinking he must lose an arm when I read your drabble -- poor guy! I love a wounded -- emotionally, especially -- hero. And you have the first three chapters rewritten already! Go you.

Deb, I'd love to read what you have of the new book if you can forgive me for still reading through Matty (very slowly, obviously).

(FTR, though I admit to Marty Stu-ing Jack a bit in my first draft pitch above, I want full credit for saying nothing whatsoever about his amber-brown eyes or tuneful baritone voice.)

I've sort of lost my way. Kind of mostly feeling foolish for starting. Having enormous organizational issues. Stories are feeling so random and not coming together to form a picture, and mostly, I'm having such huge trouble thinking of interesting essays to provide transitions between essays so people who arent us know what I'm talking about.

Without a clear organizational structure, i.e, a way for a reader to get from essay to essay without confusion about Who These People Are, I'm just, GAH!