The comment on the "One Day Only" at the beginning I highlighted because you said on page six: "Virginia, her eye drawn, noticed some fine print, tucked down near the lower edge: Limited Engagement! One Day Only!"

I highlighted the page two reference because you imply on page six that she hadn't noticed it yet.

The note you were missing from the child on the leash thing just said that I thought it was a nice touch.

ETA: Oops! Posted before I saw your revised post.

P-C, nope - turns out Kristin loves that phrase.

BWAH! Timing.

Kristin, excellent excellent edits. I have to go deliver a food gift, but I think I'm going to finish this thing tonight. When I do? I'll send it along, and to anyone else who wants to read the whole thing.

I'm thrilled they were helpful!

I can't wait to see the final story. Please do send it along.

ETA: P-C, the reason I liked the mention of the leashed child in this story is that I thought it played well into a feeling of being trapped or led around that is prevalent throughout the rest of Deb's piece. Also worked on the level that the mother is a tad controlling and feels a need to hold tightly to her children and to the idea of family. Even if that wasn't your intent, Deb, that was why I commented.

ION, I must figure out my lesson plan tomorrow for my juniors STAT.

Oh, I didn't not like the leashed child. It just conjured up doggie images for me, since I wasn't used to seeing children on leashes, which, apparently, Deb is. I'm all cool with the metaphorical implications and whatnot.

(loving this conversation muchly)

(eating Mexican food)

(checking messages before trying to FINISH THE FUCKING STORY)

Kristin, sj, P-C, anyone who's been beta-reading, I've just written the big penultimate scene and I have to go out and a NEED A BETA.

Beta here!

OK. In email, as part of, because it's a chapter, not the whole thing.

Whoops! Think I forgot to cross-post. You'd think I'd never miss a chance for more validation!

Here's last week's:

dedication

Today her nails are black and white. Striped, with some jewel. I dunno, I’m not into it. But she is seventeen, and beautiful, and clearly is. Her fingers are fluid, she’s definitely improving. But those nails just keep clacking against the fretboard.

I don’t say anything, but I remember buying my first guitar. A girl guitarist? How novel! Radical! Quaint! "The first thing is to cut those nails." I did. But beauty might mean more to her than it does to me, and music less.

So I’m a little surprised when she asks, "Have you got a clipper?" She lops them off mercilessly, little black and white stripes falling into the trash can. After that, the scalework goes much better.