We have a problematic last name, little-known ethnic, and some people just flat refuse to try it. I've been called familiarly by my first name by people whom I'd rather not do that, because they're afraid to assay the pronunciation of Ms. Um. I usually respond to the first syllable, because I'm not cruel enough to wait and see how they're going to struggle through it.

We gave the first child an at-that-time rarely used but ordinary name with available diminutives firstname, his father's ethnic given name as a middle name. We always used the full name firstname. The second we named an ethnic firstname with an easy translation, a frequent family name from my side as the middle name, and we always used the full firstname. We told them both they were welcome to use diminutives or translations, whatever they preferred. The eldest opted for a one-syllable dim of his familiar but now overused firstname. The second dug in his heels and kept the unfamiliar first, and has corrected pronunciation and spelling on first and last throughout his life since kindergarten.

Kids is different, and some will kvetch over their name, some will glory in the distinction. There's no sure way to please them. I hated Beverly--growing up the only other Beverly I--or anyone of my aquaintance--knew was a man. An old, ugly man. I wanted to be Brenda, Linda, Lynn or Sue. Now I'm comfortable with my name.

What was it about Susan that triggered?

Nothing at all, which was my point. Some Susans names may have figured in, but for others it was something else.

My 19 letters is less than yours, but more than Anfernee Hardaway. Which is why I don't really see his plight. Bear in mind I'm related to someone who goes by Wentworth Harry Hugent Sylvester Constantine George Augustus St. Elmer Mundle. You name your kid "Kick Me" and you're setting them up for a mess. Admittedly, I'm glad my parents didn't go with the alternate of Aliki. But leaking versus eating? Kids would probably have fucked with me just the same amount.

Bev, I think most people will in fact grow into their names, because they do become such a major part of self-definition. Your mileage may and likely will vary on this one.

(deep breath)

My middle name - one of two, mind you - was Jheahinnè. (Except that the accent was an acute). Pronounced "ZHA-hann-ay", long A on the first syllable, a la "hay". Fucking stupidest name ever - came out of nowhere, means nothing, not real. Apprently? Designed to humiliate a small child by watching teachers desperately trying to pronounce it or spell it. Plus, ME having to struggle with correcting everyone and writing it out. Sod that.

It is legally history. I changed it to Jeanne, and lost the second middle name - Darius, for fuck's sake, and who in sweet hell names a little girl Darius? - in the process.

edit: ita, I make your first and last names together out to be eleven letters - exactly one letter more than just the stupid middle name they saddled my ass with. What am I missing?

What am I missing?

I'm not sure. I'm only saying that Anfernee's not that bad, not talking about your name woes.

I'm still chewing on the concept that something in the name "Susan" triggered mob meanness in her classmates. Because usually, there's something that can be made mean - a line from Ruth Rendell's "A Demon in my View" comes to mind, in which the kids tease a future (and fatherless) serial killer in a London schoolyard, by chanting "Cowardy cowardy custard! Johnson is a bastard!" So the idea of a group of kids relentlessly hounding someone with a very common first name is doing weird things to my head.

Bear in mind I'm related to someone who goes by Wentworth Harry Hugent Sylvester Constantine George Augustus St. Elmer Mundle.

But did he have to write that entire string out a dozen times a day, at the top of every page of his schoolwork? Or did he opt for "Harry" or something? And when he was called to the chalkboard to do a math problem, did he have to write "Wentworth Harry Hugent Sylvester Constantine George Augustus St. Elmer Mundle" over everything? Because my thing is, if I know my kid is going to have to do that, I give the kid the option or a three or four-syllable name. After all, they can always decide on the full regalia later on.

I'm not sure.

I mean, the math. "ita" is three letters and your surname is eight letters. Where did the other eight letters come from - did you use a middle name, as well? And if so, were you made to do that, or did you choose to do that?

So the idea of a group of kids relentlessly hounding someone with a very common first name is doing weird things to my head.

With me, it was "Frus-ter-ated Ka-tie!" That was third grade. (I would've been hounded anyway, though, and I suspect that was ita's point - it had nothing in particular to do with my name.)

That was also the year that I bopped Brad Murray over the head with a recorder in music class, though, so I have some good memories.

I've long since been on record with my name issues, but what the hell-- they like being aired out every so often.

Now that I've had it for 18 years, I'm used to my name and wouldn't get rid of it, but as a younger kid I hated having it misspelled every possible way, not to mention the funny looks I got at Hebrew school. I think it's entirely possible that if my parents had reversed the order of my names (middle name is Michele, which is a slightly odd but perfectly acceptable variation) I would be less weird today. But I'm not going to mess with it now, because I'm too used to it. It feels like me, even though I know that if I'd gotten any other name it would feel like me too.

Holli, your name - with different spellings - was actually so popular in London when my daughter was an infant, that there were three or four babies with that name at Jo's babycare clinic. The other name that was getting a lot of play in London at that time was Carly.

I like Holli's name because it's hers, but I really don't understand what would drive someone to take the perfectly nice name Holly Michelle and decide to spell it Holli Michele. It sounds exactly the same, and thus serves no purpose beyond making the kid spell her name 18 billion times. Let alone mangling Jeanne into Jheahine.

But the seven or so spellings of Caitlin currently among the top 100 names suggest it's a need many, many parents have, so go figure.

Holli, your name - with different spellings - was actually so popular in London when my daughter was an infant, that there were three or four babies with that name at Jo's babycare clinic. The other name that was getting a lot of play in London at that time was Carly.

Really? I've only ever met one Holly IRL, and she was in kindergarten when I was in fourth grade. I've met a couple online, but other than that, nothing.

I do prefer my naem to something so common you have to check who's being talked about when it's used. I mean, I have three friends named Lauren, plus a cousin and another several classmates and acquaintances.