I like the two changes in the first stanza, but might change the word "exchange" in the second element, to something else.
It seems to me that, despite the differences in each, all of the elements are concrete and visceral, very sharp and intense, really beautiful, except the last one, which is more expository. I think the last one should either not be there at all, or be more illustrative of an actual or anticipated event than the blooming, which has been used often enough over the years that, I think, it's lost its concreteness and become a shorthand symbol for improvement that isn't demonstrated.
Really good poem, Steph. I like it very much. It has that quality that, I think, separates poets from people who only think they can write poetry.
Really good poem, Steph. I like it very much. It has that quality that, I think, separates poets from people who only think they can write poetry.
(nodding)
Plus, as poetry does, it's sparked much discussion.
Wow. Thanks, all of you, for your comments and suggestions. I'm flattered. And floored by this:
It has that quality that, I think, separates poets from people who only think they can write poetry.
Wow.
Okay, possibly this for a final stanza?
Element 8.
Now. Changes germinate
deep within, ripening
in the dark, waiting to
surface.
Yes indeed.
Now the socks can melt properly.
Wow, Tep. That is a very well written poem. I'm nodding along with what everybody said, but especially this:
It has that quality that, I think, separates poets from people who only think they can write poetry.
Thanks, really. I've been so unsure about this one -- whether it's good or dreck -- and so I'm a little taken aback by how *much* people like it.
I've written some poems that, when I finish, I *know* it's good. It's tight, it's expressive, it resonates. But with this one, I was afraid maybe it would resonate with only me.
But with this one, I was afraid maybe it would resonate with only me.
I think one its strengths is how deeply personal it is.
A random and possibly ass-outage thought about poetry:
I tend to believe that poetry - with music, which after all, it sort of is - is the single most subjective human expression on earth. But I also think that in something genuine, yes, I know, wretched word but I can't find another, there will always be something to produce a kind of psychic echolocation.
I mean, the alchemy laid out in this one? None of that matches my own. But the sense it produced of "belonging to humanity, see 1.a, "part of", John Donne for instance, WOW" echolocated that part of my psyche.
That's what the best poetry does. My opinion, belonging to me. It becomes a magic spell: I won't deconstruct why it pings me. Because when you take apart a spell, or a mantra, and to try to apply math to it? You risk depleting or eliminating the magic.
