Well, do you want to? Read the rest of it? This is an honest question, not a command-as-question.

Yay. Found my problem. Not all of it maybe, but...the original for this story was on a computer that is pining for the fjords.A few months later, on new PC, I get new idea, write it in, attempting to copy original because with typical lack of respect for own efforts, did not back up work, so there is at least one missing scene. Which, because I have lived with this so long, does not appear to be missing any longer AFAIC, but will affect readers that don't live in my brain.You know,because it leads to a bigger audience in the long run.Thank you so much, Hec. Because looking at your own work for yourself doesn't always work.Asking you helped me see what was really on the page, not what I was thinking of writing. Half the movies that don't make sense probably have that problem.

I find it easier to judge the ending of something I've read the start and middle of- so I'd say yeah, hit us with all of it.

But currently, it is eleven pages long. Truly, that's cruel and unusual punishment somewhere, isn't it?

It may be so. Eleven pages is a lot for a post, and I can't say 'e-mail me', really, becuase I don't have time for more than I've already taken on, editing-wise. Um... a good, detailed summary, with quotes? Just writing it might help you see the plot in a different light.

OK. Will have to balance what the psychologists call "attention seeking behavior" with need for a good critic. Difficult but possible, right?

Just so long as you don't start shoplifting.

Difficult but possible, right?

Right.

No, Katie, not to worry. I look like I'm going to do something wrong when I'm not. I rarely get away with anything. So, no life of crime.

In my typical ass-backward fashion, here is the beginning for Perfect. In any neighborhood, you see her twin. All-American some people call her, the perfect blend of competence and innocence. She is the Doublemint Girl, the one Whitney had in mind when she sang "Children are the future." Sometimes you love her, though you resist, because it seems that she expects it and has people lined up just to admire her. Sometimes you hate her from some petty space deep inside, but not for long, because she really is nice.
Head of the yearbook staff, maybe, or the "sparkplug" on the basketball or softball teams. Never the star player, they get too intense, and frankly, too sweaty for that to appeal to a Miss Perfect. She plays the mom in the school play and when friends suggest she go for the lead, she looks at them like they suggested she grow another eye and blushes modestly. She is Mary Richards. She is the inspiration for Daddy's Little Girl.