I think it's a good beginning, Ms. H. Good mix of starting with action, yet quickly putting in enough background to bring people up to speed on the setting. My only quibble is I think Reyn needs to knock again somewhere toward the middle of the scene instead of waiting till the end, just because while reading it I was thinking, "Huh. And this guy is just standing there all this time?" But otherwise, I like.
Wash: Well, I wash my hands of it. It's a hopeless case. I'll read a nice poem at the funeral. Something with imagery. Zoe: You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay. Wash: Oh, no, I'm starting to like this poetry idea now. Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all corpsified and gross...
'Shindig'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Susan W. - Mar 30, 2003 10:30:57 pm PST #1105 of 10001
Good Trouble and Righteous Fights
Deena - Mar 30, 2003 10:43:14 pm PST #1106 of 10001
How are you me? You need to stop that. Only I can be me. ~Kara
I'd love to read the whole thing, Ms. H. Profile addy's good. I won't get to it until tomorrow. I'm baby wrasslin' and hoping to go to bed soon.
Theodosia - Mar 31, 2003 4:47:34 am PST #1107 of 10001
'we all walk this earth feeling we are frauds. The trick is to be grateful and hope the caper doesn't end any time soon"
It reads good. Maybe instead of knocking again in the middle, Lena could look at a clock and realize that X minutes and XX seconds have passed since he knocked the first time. (You'll probably have to time out her actions to that point with a stopwatch, but hell, it's writing research, right?)
Ms. Havisham - Mar 31, 2003 8:01:31 am PST #1108 of 10001
And we will call it... "This Land."
Actually, that is the middle of the scene - just thought it was a good place to end the sample.
Thanks, Deena. I'll send it tonight.
erikaj - Mar 31, 2003 9:57:19 am PST #1109 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
Susan, insent.
Rebecca Lizard - Apr 01, 2003 9:31:59 am PST #1110 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket
DOUBLING OVER
for R.
Unrequited-- let's begin it with a promise. This is a poem
Not worth chaining: we are strewn with purpose, arm across my face, your lips are
Clean and metered. Second measures. Jester of some
Other kingdom; sunshine gin and to die trying. Jester of what is
Under that rock. Make yourself a sum of pieces:
Placed and nettled; drawn-out lying. Let me borrow. Let me
Loosen. Grant hope, dock cloven. We are stretched and unbecoming,
In double time; due wishes. Tap the glass for slowness. Nape of
Neck or knife bent; gun cocked; roses rising. Conversation. (Some other
Grinning, ugly dreamer.) Some rare pleasures.
... nnh.
Steph L. - Apr 01, 2003 9:35:12 am PST #1111 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
t shaking my fist
Damn you, wee Lizard! I'm finding it very challenging to write an acrostic! I have to un-think the way I normally think poetry, and think in a whole new way.
(That's pro forma grumbling; I really am enjoying the challenge -- but make no mistake -- it IS a challenge!)
erikaj - Apr 01, 2003 9:48:06 am PST #1112 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
Good poem, Lizard. I haven't written poems in ages, but I doubt I ever had the gift like you do.
Brynn - Apr 02, 2003 12:01:33 pm PST #1113 of 10001
"I'd rather discuss the permutations of swordplay, with an undertone of definite allusion to sex." Beverly, offering an example of when your characters give you 'tude.
Wow, I can't believe I've been missing the acrostic fun?! Can we have a haiku challenge? Can we, can we?
Sorry. I'm a little wonky, recovering from having my writing compared to "a movie you see and forget about the next day." Oh, that and "leftovers". But I'm not bitter and seeking attention. really.
deborah grabien - Apr 02, 2003 12:10:29 pm PST #1114 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Brynn, sounds like a lot of sour grapes.
driveby. Waving.
Plei and Fay, messages for you both, re Roz, coming up in Bitchy.