DH's mom likes to give advice. She used to call really early in the morning and give advice, about things that were taken care of. She got a lot better about giving advice when I cam on the scene. Because I don't talk much before 9. so I was polite, but vaguely non -responsive. " done" "did it" I just didn't react much one way or the other. - completely different than her sons. Some how my non- reactin - translated to Matt aw well. She gives much less unwanted advice now.

Dad still puts himself through all this drama even though I've demonstrated several times that saying no doesn't freak her out.

See there? A vague disclaimer really IS nobody's friend.

Go you with the directness.

Even when it doesn't work, vis a vis the recipient's response, at least you know you've done the best you could and can walk away from the interaction clean. The non-answer is like tar that never comes off the bottom of your shoe. After a lifetime of that dynamic, is it any wonder that we (metaphorically) wobble around and fall so easily?

post toasties:

completely different than her sons. Some how my non- reactin - translated to Matt aw well. She gives much less unwanted advice now.

Extinguishing the behavior through non-reinforcement. Awesome!

That too, i know P-C. There is no need to take my advice. I promise not to scold you for not doing what i say. But , if you don't want to cut her out of your life completely, you have to find someway of dealing wiht her. and if you can do it with in her world view - at least at first, it will be easier in the long run. Your mom is clinging , her ego is invested in you needing her. That's not fair at all. but you can use that.

I have a friend whose parents were that inested. they would threten to throw him out of the house. so he left for 2 weeks , no forwarding address his parents were frantic and so grateful that he came back home. Guess who had the power then? my parents - less ego invovled in there kids. If we had pulled a stunt like that - comming back home woud not have been so easy. Trust would have been broken. of course, my parents didn't make empty threats either

and I am talking way too much. I should go do something.

Dear Mrs. Cow:

I have sent your precious son two hundred current personal ads. These ads are from the skankiest girls (and occasional flamboyant boy) I could find. They are white and black and MIXED and various flavors of Asian and South American and there is not one Indian among them. They have been selected for their disreputable famalies as well. Every week I will send him two hundred fresh ones (and I do mean "fresh"). Some weeks we will have themes. Next week I'm thinking "strippers", the week after "IV DRUG USERS WHO NEVER CALL THEIR MOTHERS!!!!!".

Every time you give your son shit he will answer one of these ads.

You get one warning. As soon as you start he'll say, "Mom, don't make garbage man's daughter...." "hmm... this is blurry, does it say 'pre-op' or 'POST-op'....." or possibly "Mmmmmm BLONDES". You keep it up, and he starts callin'

It's up to you Mrs. Cow. Lay off the kid or your family tree gets it.

Hee, Trudes.

South American? Hot!

South American? Hot!

But, Mom, She's INDIAN!

{{P-C}} Lots of good advice. I'm glad you have this place to vent.

I just can't get Beverly and family out of my thoughts. I do hope she is able to get some rest and that the doctors are making progress. On edge waiting for an update. I don't want to call her because I hope she is resting.

Dear People of the World,

Lay off P-C.

Cash the checks I send you so I don't think I have more money than I do.

Pay your rent so your roommates don't have to cover you.

OKTHNXBYE!

-vw bug

Raq, I was too out of it to mention it earlier, but I saw your post and my vibeage for you has been steady. David said it best:

Raq! Your poor cooter! I order it to get better immediately and be as benign as a goofy maiden aunt in a Jane Austen novel.

The same goes for you, Vortex! Benignity at it's finest.

Happy Birthday to Katie! whether today or tomorrow.

P-C, you've gotten excellent advice here. I agree with the wise inhabitants of Bitches.

Beej, your fela is a very nice fela, indeed. Didja get the tarot info I left for you the other day, BTW? As I'm distracting myself by playing online a little bit.

Naps are wonderful things. We've decided that since we're ten minutes from the hospital, and since there's nothing we can actually DO there, aside from going in periodically and speaking to him, hoping a familiar voice will anchor him and bring him back to consciousness, that camping out in the waiting room is pointless. We'll go over this evening, maybe one of us will stay overnight. I'm planning on spending my hospital time when he's conscious and out of ICU and may actually need someone there.

We called, and his day nurse is as awesome as his night nurse was. She says she's still encouraging him to breathe on his own. His vitals are pretty stable, except for the not-self-breathing part, and she "thinks" he's trying to respond to commands. This is an experienced ICU nurse, and she wouldn't say that unless there was some basis for it, so we (maybe choose to) believe her.

Thank you all so much for the support. It means everything.